I Want My Own Reality Show!

Who the hell are the Kardashians, and why do they get their own reality show and I don’t?

 WTF!

 My family is fun, quirky, and possibly has an edge on total IQ over the Kardashian’s.  So what if my hubby isn’t a retired Olympic athlete, he did get solicited to play for the Cincinnati Reds AND he slept at a Holiday Inn Express once.  I certainly haven’t crossed to the dark side and tried anal bleaching yet, but I have considered braving a Brazilian bikini wax once or twice.  (I’m Italian and my ‘waxologist’ keeps threatening to charge me for a bikini wax AND a leg wax! Major WTF!!!)

 Hell, with a good script and a few outfits from Armani instead of Target and we could DEFINITELY be the next reality show. Don’t you think?  

 

 Gettin’ Down with the Matthews! (& my 6′ 15 yr old neice!)

So what is it about reality shows that makes America go gaga for watching the ridiculousness of the ‘staged and scripted’ antics of attention seeking idiots?  It MUST be boredom, or quite possibly an influx of fortuitous lobotomies.  

  Jersey Shore, rated #1 in 2011; Poorly dressed and sorely educated ‘Mob-Wanna-Be’ adolescents pushing the boundaries of appropriateness for the sake of getting noticed in life.  Their bios say nothing of value towards their true worth as contributory American citizens.  Oh wait…I’m wrong! Their bios say this about them: Snooky had and eating disorder, Mike The Situation has rock hard abs and was an exotic dancer, Jwoww got herself new boobs for her 21st birthday, Pauly D was once a ‘DJ’ and the highest accolades go to Sammi, who is known for her great body thanks to her college soccer days.  No mention of a degree or her intelligence, however.  This show is #1 in America!    

19 Kids and Counting?  Do the Duggers realize we have a population issue on this planet?  Does Michelle realize there is only so much one uterus and one vagina can take?  I’m a thorough believer in: the kids should never outnumber the parents.   Probably some good babysitting pointers, though.

 Do I really need to watch law breaker, Kody Brown, as he services his five illegal wives in Sister Wives?  Polygamy is illegal in all fifty states.  Why is he on a TV show?  Which wife gets his medical coverage? (I would enjoy a dedicated laundry sister, though.)

 

Teen Moms – “OMG!…Let’s get preggers, Ashley so we can get famous on that show TEEN MOMS…they’re looking for girls for next season!” 

And don’t get me going on Dance Moms – get your kid out of there before that woman psychologically damages them any more than you already have by signing them up and dressing them like that!  Can that AbbyLeeMiller-monster even dance? And yes…It’s AbbyLeeMiller…one word, not Abby. 

A list of other brain-numbing, intelligence-insulting, youth-misleading reality shows? The Bad Girls Club, Being Bobby Brown, The Housewives of XXX, Gene Simmons Family Jewels (some of the episodes were TOTALLY made up, like when he bought an Australian football team) Big Brother, Toddlers and Tiara’s…must I go on?  The Bachelor? God, how desperate can you get?  Fighting over a man (or woman) on national TV? 

Now, there are some reality shows worth watching, shows that actually broaden a viewer’s horizons or allow then to learn something about life.  American Pickers is one of my favorites being treasure hunter myself.  But at least there is something to learn from that.  Intervention, Hoarders, Deadliest Catch, Survivor… I even think Swamp People is a hoot!  At least you can tweak a few nerve synapses with these shows.

 

Now don’t get me wrong. Do I tune in for a few laughs and some great book fodder?  Of COURSE I do…so, I’m as guilty as the rest.  But you have to admit, it’s a pretty embarrassing display of how Americans spend their time.

 Now, if I got to make up my own reality shows, I’d try out a few of these for entertainment purposes:

Nurse Chronicles–Tonight’s episode: MD Cover- Ups

Your Cheatin ’Art – Follow the antics of Americans and Not-So-Legal Americans as they find cheating ways to live high on the hog off the government (you and me!!!).  Foodstampers rage at register because Rootbeer isn’t ‘food-stampable’ then climb into their Cadillac Escalade.  Free Lunchers play Words with Friends on their I-phones while standing in line at Starbucks every morning, Disability recipient makes MVP in town softball league. 

And my favorite: Love And The Internet. Dating Site and Chat Room Secrets. 

Let’s hear it out there gang. What’s your opinion of reality shows?

What reality show would you like to produce?

I’m signing off so I can gather my Coors Light and my pork rinds and get settled in to watch Snookie have sex with two men on Jersey Shore re-runs for a mere $100,000 per episode.  Yes …$100,000.   Ah…It’s good to live in America!

I definitely went into the wrong business…I should have gone into show biz.  It would have been a lot more lucrative than 6 years of college!

Love, Josie. 

Comments

  1. What a hoot. Love your blog. I’m a die-hard Survivor fan and used to watch Idol when Simon and Paula were judges. The rest? Not so much. Although, I confess while cruising through the channels, I’ve caught glimpses of Dance Mom and it’s frightening. The rest I don’t go near.

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Hey Judi!
      I’m so glad you are enjoying my and Misty’s views on the world! Spread the word!
      I used to be a huge Idol fan as well. I sort-of fell out of it in a fit of temper when my favs didn’t win. I’m spoiled, but I do love Stephen Tyler on it…he is a crackpot!!!
      I just saw a taping of the talk show with the Anderson guy where 3 teenage girls are being paraded around America by thier ‘Pastor’ as professional exorcists. Of course the girls are stunningly beautiful, poised and extremely comfortable on camera. I hear a new REALITY SHOW knockin’ at the door. Exorcist Babes! Will it ever end?
      Love having you with us! Josie

  2. Well..I don’t watch much TV but I do watch Dancing with the Stars. I fell in love with Donny Osmond all over again and was thrilled when he won. I’ve watched many episodes of Project Runway with a friend who is a costume designer. I think the fun is seeing how these odd characters act and react to each other. Haven’t seen the other shows but I’d probably tune in to see a show called Exorcist Babes – it sounds frightening.

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Hi Kylie!
      No one could blame you for crushin’ on Donny Osmond, he is probably one of the most charismatic men alive! And the boy can MOVE! I love both Dancing and Project Runway too. The people are so interesting and its amazing what talent people have! I give these two shows a thumbs up!
      For Exorcist Babes (I better get credit for coming up with the idea!) I’m afraid there will be too many kooks out there getting way too serious about that one. We’ll be over run with ‘BUT THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT!!!
      Thanks for stopping by Kylie!!!
      Love, Josie

  3. jerridrennen says:

    Loved it, Josie, but I do have to say that the mom’s on Dance Mom’s are just about as bad as AbbyleeMiller. I think the kids act more mature than they do.

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Hi Jerri!
      Oh I think you are so right! Are moms at those places really like that? Or do you think they are hamming it up for the camera? That’s why calling these things ‘reality’ shows is so ridiculous…Nobody acts ‘real’ in front of a camera. The kids are still innocent. They haven’t learned to manipulate yet. But with role models like those moms they will be pros soon. Sad.

      Thanks for stopping by! Check out my and Misty Dietz’ facebook pages too!!!
      Have a great day!
      Love, Josie

  4. Love your blog. I’m a treasure hunter, too. Storage Wars is my favorite show! Though American Pickers is right up there. I’ve worked in TV production — documentaries, mostly — and pitching LOUD seems to be the ticket these days.

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Hey Jamie! Thanks for stopping by! Sorry it took me so long to respond…Spent the weekend ‘American Picking’ myself!!!
      Wouldnt you just LOVE to hit the jackpot on some of these storage units people sell? Sometimes I drive by them andn think…’How the hell do you collect so much shit that you have to by a seperate house for your shit!!!’ Only in America!
      LOUD is the perfect word to describe the media. I was actually noticing on TV last night that every commercial whether it was for cleaning products, razors or phone ads – EVERY single person in the scene was20-30 years old, thin, and attractive. Are there no 50 something, chubby, sweat pant clad peoply who clean, shave or walk the streets? Even the background people where dressed to the hilt and attractive. AMAZING! Dont get me going on the media…one of my pet peeves.
      Im so glad you visited us…Stay tuned each week for my and Misty’s chickswagger views on the world!

      Love, Josie

  5. Lemme just say…holy shit your man is HOT Josie!!!!
    Also, I don’t have cable tv but The Bachelor is my guilty pleasure. I watch it with a girlfriend, wine and pizza. We need a little junk in our lives. Keeps us balanced.
    Did I mention your man is a honey of a looker? :D

    • Josie Matthews says:

      NO CABLE! What are you an intellegent, motivated, creative, independant thinker or something! WTF!
      Come to my house any day. I’ll hook you up with all my favorite junk! Right now I’m hooked on Shameless on Showtime. IT’s so bad its wonderful. Horrible situations, Loveable characters….
      I dont even think the bachelor is handsome this season do you?
      YES. My hubby is adorable. You should see him with his little shirt off! And dont think for a minute I havent checked out Mr. MD! Quite the melt worthy blues and smile. We are lucky, lucky women are we not! But truly, it’s the heart that counts!
      Love, J

  6. Oh I’ve got a couple of guilty pleasures as far as reality TV. Mob Wives and Gene Simmons. However I do like Man vs Wild, Man, Woman, Wild, Pickers, Parking Wars, how do you wrack up $2000 or more in parking tickets? or even Manhunters:Fugitive Task Force.

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Hey W. Lynn!
      Gotta Love it! Parking Wars? Is that following parking violators? How much excitement can actually be in that? That goes to show how much ‘scripting’ that has to be involved to make a mundane activity interesting enough to make a TV show out of. I find most of us are hooked because its so addicting to watch and say “WTF!!!”

      Thanks for stopping by!

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