Fair warning in case you missed the innuendo: The following post is about girlie part landscaping and beautification. Mature content ahead. So if you are a prude have delicate sensibilities or are underage, I suggest you go away explore another blog. Just be sure to come back next week.
Still here? Great!
If you’re still with me out of sheer curiosity, I can just imagine what many of you are probably thinking, “What? I’m too old for this shit.”
No. You’re. Not.
If you’re sexually active, age is irrelevant.
I’m not trying to be flip when I say I don’t understand why this is such a taboo topic. For one thing, if you don’t pay attention to your hoo ha – and yes, I mean, actually LOOK down there, mirror and all – how do you expect to know when something isn’t normal? It’s really okay. Just lock the door and get friendly with your bad self.
Secondly, if you don’t take an active interest in this area, why should your partner? Let me say that again….If you don’t take an active interest (read: keep it pretty), why should your partner?
If you prefer to leave yourself natural, that’s great. But you still need to…tidy up a bit. No one likes an unruly bush. Bad, bad curb appeal.
OMG, wait, unless you’re this guy…(I can’t post a nice, drool-worthy sized picture here, I could get in big ass copyright trouble. Click his thumbnail to go check him out on the JustJared site, then hurry on back.)
Jesus. As in Jesus Luz, Brazilian model. He’s effin’ hot, right?
So…choices, choices. Even if you already “maintain” yourself, maybe it’s time to try something new. A new shave or wax job? An adornment? Whatever you try, it can completely change your perspective. And your sex life. Think about it. Lavishing attention on your girlie parts automatically makes you feel more sexual. Like you have a lil’ present in your panties. ‘Cause, well, you do.
So anyway, several months ago, I was ready for a change. I asked around and found out a friend of mine shaves the *whole* southern belle. At first I was like WTF? You put a razor way down where?! Then I was like…That’s interesting. I wasn’t totally feelin’ it going completely bare, but I was open to it since her man really likes it. So I put the option out there to see what DH thought. As usual he didn’t leave me guessing. His response, “What the hell would you do that for?”
Alrighty then. Guess I don’t need to even consider a Full Brazilian. (For those not entirely sure, a Full Brazilian wax removes hair from the labia, perineum, and, if you happen to have it there, the bum crack. It’s also known as the Hollywood and the Sphynx. Haha. Bet you’ll never look at a hairless cat the same way again.)
On to Plan B.
The Landing Strip, AKA the traditional Brazilian. Yes, use your imagination and you’ll know what this is. (You heard the twin engines of a plane just now, didn’t you?) A vertical strip one or two fingers wide with hair only about a ¼ inch long, this little patch is SEXY!
Other options include shaving shapes: a heart with the bottom part pointing to, well, you know (Happy Valentine’s Day, l-l-lover!); a tear drop; a small downward pointing triangle; rising sun, initials…The options are only limited by your creativity. You could even dye the hair with a home coloring kit. Imagine how you could keep your partner intrigued. Maybe you wanna be the canvas and let your partner be the artist? Bow-chicka-wow-wow…
My tips for at-home shaving: Trim excess first. Then take a warm shower or bath. Next, apply shaving cream to the area you plan to prettify. Afterwards, exfoliate and moisturize. This will keep your skin happy and bump-free.
But wait, we’re not done. What about pelvic cradle adornments? Is this getting good or what?
Va-what?! This is actually a dumb ass name because the location of the adornment has nothing to do with the vajajay. Basically it’s applying stick-on gems to the skin in the cradle of your hips or right above your pubic bone, usually after a wax job since the skin stays hair-free longer that way. Here’s a video that shows you how to Vajewel at home, courtesy of Bryce Gruber of TheLuxurySpot.com.
Another option is Vattooing.
Again, another stupid name for a super fun option. Temporary tattoos are stenciled and/or airbrushed onto whatever secret or not-so-secret spot you chose. This is a playful (albeit expensive) option if you go on a warm-weather vacation and wanna show a little skin. Okay, maybe a lot of skin. Just know it’s only gonna last up to five days. Here’s another LuxurySpot.com link to show what this is like. (The tattoo artist says, “I would just avoid friction if you can..?” WTF?!)
Finally, if you really want to go all out, you could try the Foxy Bikini: faux fur applied to the bikini area after a wax treatment that lasts around 3 – yes, 3 days, folks. Around $140. This one makes me giggle. Think fuzzy pink bunny tail. Ka-Pow!
Or the Carnivale Bikini (scroll down on the previous link to see it), which uses…you guessed it…colorful feathers. This’ll only set you back about $110. Finally, if you find a style you want long term and you have the coin, you could just go with laser hair removal and never have to think about all this wunder down under business again.
So go ahead, have fun and express your sexy self. For your partner. But mostly for yourself.
What options intrigue you? What have I left out?