Sexology 101 (giggle….giggle…) for adults only

Let’s talk about sex…uh huh…    Okay…so I’m almost 50, (getting the hint that this aging thing is really bugging me?) talking about sex is, what? Creepy for an ‘aging’ woman?  Nuh uh!!! No way, Jose!  I’m right smack dab in the middle of my sexual peak!  My hubby keeps saying, “Where the hell was this sex kitten 20 years ago!”

I don’t know what’s come over me!  Maybe it’s the thought that if I don’t use it, I’ll lose it, or something.

Sex is wonderful.  However, as women, I believe many of us have been raised to think that if we embrace our sexuality, or enjoy sex too much, we are somehow slutty or whoreish.  WTF!  Let me say that again…WTF!

It’s really not fair.  Men who are sexual are often admired by men and women alike.  But society has once again managed to stifle women, shove them into that pigeonhole from earlier decades that being sexual, liking sex, wanting sex, experimenting with sex is a no-no for women.

Yes, times are changing. I can see that by the captioins on women’s magazines like ‘Feel Great Naked, Have Stronger Orgasms, Answers to Your Naughty Sex Questions’…But truly, don’t you scoff on the outside when you see these magazines?  Yet, on the inside you are dying to pick it up and take it home to read so you can satisfy the sensual woman in you?

We still have that inner guilt, that inner voice that says ‘good girls don’t do that stuff.’ Why the hell not?  I’m in a loving, monogomous relationship!  I want to be able to be racy and wild and sexy and hell yes…naughty!  I want my husband to revel in the vixen he has. I want to make our relationship as strong as it can possibly be, I want to bond us so tightly by sharing things so intimate and building that trust that we never think of letting each other go.

Am I a slut for that?  I don’t think so.  So how do I get there?  How do I find my inner Sex Goddess?

I start by picking up one of those ‘silly’ magazines and start reading about how to have a better orgasm…that’s what I do!!!  (tee hee)

So I’m in a sharing mood…and here’s what I’ve learned and what we are all gonna try this week gang!

WARNING AHEAD!

1. Sexting:  Nothing gets a person in a hotter mood then hearing (or reading) the sexy things that are on your mind.  Have trouble (embarrassed) verbalizing things?  Text or Write naughty love words to your other.  I’ve been married 21 years and in the past year I’ve forced myself to share my inner thoughts with my husband…finally…he feels like he is married to a whole new person, he says its such a turn on cause he never knew the real me because I was always too embarrassed to share.  The more I work at it, the better I become at it.

2. Oral Sex: Don’t you dare say Blech!  This is not just a physical act.  It is an emotional sharing of trust and the utmost intimacy.  Many people believe oral sex is so much more intimate than pentrating sex.  If you are opposed to it…start slowly, after a shower together.  Buy a good video and the art of oral sex. Find out what is best for you and your partner and work up to it.  Most people feel oral sex is many times more fullfilling than any other type of sex because of the intimacy shared.

3. Talk: The mind is a powerful thing.  During sex, it is directly connected to the G-spot.  Well not really, but hypothetically.  The mind controls the intimacy.

‘I want to bury myself so deep inside you that you’ll never forget who you belong to.’

Did you feel that little tingle?  I know I did.  Hearing how each other feels, what you want, naughty talk, being that sensual, sexual being during sex, changes all the rules.  It takes you out of reality and into a sultry world where sensation is the master.  Words are the most powerful aphrodesiac.  Don’t be shy.

4. Toys: Yay!  Ever venture into an adult toy shop?  You have to do this.  My girlfriends and I make a jaunt every few months just for fun and giggles and we never leave without buying something new to try.  The clerks in the store love to talk to customers and show you how everything works.  They will even put the batteries in for you!!

First purchase:  Vibrator.  Nothing fancy (and oh, believe me, do they make fancy vibrators.)  In a survey…90% of men found it an unbelievable turn on to watch their woman pleasure herself.  Weird huh…But hey, if it makes your man think you are a sex goddess and it brings you closer by providing that intimacy, then give it a try…You can do it!  I know you can.

Second purchase: Lubricating lotion.  Fun flavors, fun scents, use it on him, on you, on your toys.

Third purchase: Constriction ring….for your man.  I had no idea what this was when I saw it in the store.  My BFF had to explain and force me to buy it.  A small elastic ring that your man wears that enhances his erection!  It also is supposed to make his orgasms more powerful for him.  Simple little toy.  Some come with little vibrating things on them so you can feel them too!  Great engineering if you ask me.

 Fourth purchase: Whipped Cream…

 Need I say more…

5. Educate yourself.  There is sooo much to learn about sex and intimacy.  Read those magazines. Get to know your partner better, his secret inner thoughts, by taking those fun quizes with your partner.  You’ll be shocked at some of his answers that will give you a peek into the sexual person you didnt realize you had on your hands!  Buy a few educational videos (not porn…they are just slot a into slot b…not my thing…)

Did you know:

* A man has G-spots?  The ridge just under the head of his penis and the perineum…the area between his testicles and his anus.  Touch him there and he is a goner.

* The more you have sex…the more you will want it.

* Men love to hear you moan during sex.  It builds their egos. (Don’t forget to build your hubby’s confidence every day by telling him how great he is.  The more confident he feels about himself in your relationship, the more confident he is in bed!  (oohh la la!!!  Take me!  I’m yours!)

* Women can ejaculate too.

* The head of a man’s penis has the same number of nerve endings as a woman’s clitoris.  hmmmm.

* A woman’s clitoris is actually shaped like a wishbone!  The part you see is the tip of the wishbone…then their are two 3″ long legs that run internally along your labia.  Lots of nerve ending for your man to explore…not just the ‘tip of the iceburg.’

*The first reason God created sex was for procreation.  The second was to forge a bond between man and woman to sustain a monogomous relationship.  Hey…I’m alllllll in.

  There’s a little bit of hooker in every woman. A little bit of hooker and a little bit of God.
— Sarah Miles

So…How do you feel about sex?  Are you inhibited by society’s ‘gag order’ on women?  Have you been raised to be ‘the good girl’ where sex is not to be enjoyed?  My Catholic roots are showing here….

Sex is wonderful, beautiful, bonding, erotic, and fun!  An older man once told me when I was young and naive:  “You women just don’t get it…if you would just give your man good sex once every few days, he would give you the world on a silver platter.  We are simple creatures.”

(insert your face below)

Let’s take back our rights to enjoy sex!  Before Father Time tells Mother Nature that we are all ‘dried up’!!!

I’d love to hear your opinions and have you share some of your ideas for a better sex life. Now GET SHOPPING and let your partner know how you feel about him by letting that inner Sex Goddess go!!

Thanks, Cosmopolitan Magazine!

Love, Josie.

Comments

  1. I think even now some people are so OMG about sex. There is nothing to be ashamed about or other. We all have sex. Some of us like it dirty and kinky and some of us like it vanilla. I love sex and love to write about sex. We all have a wild side in us we just have to let it out.

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Right on Savannah! It took me alot of wasted years to realize this! That’s why I wanted to do this post. Don’t wait too long to find out the joys of sex…your body starts to say, ‘hey…dont want it anymore or cant do it anymore’…when you get older and then there is no do-over! Reading REALLY opened my mind. My gratitude and thanks go out there to all you authors who portray strong women enjoying soame awesome sex! Keep writing and keep my imaginations running!

      Love J

  2. Awesome post, Josie! Fun and entertaining…I’d never heard of constriction rings….very interesting….. :D Other fun sex/intimacy ideas are blindfolds, feathers, scarves, metal headboards… ah, yes, so much good stuff! I agree, the talking thing is so sexy. My man has been doing more of this lately and it’s h..h..HOT!

    What the hell time is it? Damn, seven more hours til the kids go to bed! :D

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Misty-Lou!
      Kid’s do put a damper on things, don’t they? My fifteen year old came in the other morning and said. “you guys are so disgusting…I heard you last night…” hubby’s answer….”Yeah, this damn cold had me up all night snortin’ and groanin’…”
      The constriction rings (ie..cock rings) come in all varieties..most are like a heavy rubber bands but they come with different doodads for different experiences. Very fun. I think you should surprise Mr. D and tell him I said, “‘Helloooo big boy!”
      (I crack myself up!)
      Love J

  3. Hi Josie,
    Fun column. I come from a family that believes sex is what you do to pacify the man. Lie back and think of Indiana in the spring sorta thing. Advice from my mother included where a nightgown, so they can lift the hem and get their business done.

    My sisters and mother am glad I’m getting married because I am an anomaly who won’t behave. This way I won’t be a total slut. :)

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Ack!!! Just adore you Morgan! My father used to tease my mother that after 50 years of marriage she still gets dressed behind the dresser. A big joke with me and my hubby over the years was; “Fine…just hurry up and hand me the remote!” I’m so excited that I’m coming at this from a whole new perspective. Thanks to all these deliciously naughty writers! I adore Shiloh Walker, Maya Banks, Shayla Black, Lora Leigh, Sarah McCarty, Lorelei James, Christine Feehan, Jasmine Haynes; and a whole slew of others that arent in the Erotica genre that get my libido humming (Misty Dietz, Morgan Wyatt, …..) so many I can’t name them all in one place. I have friends that use me as a lending library now that I have gotten them hooked on stepping out of their comfort zones and exploring different worlds through reading. God…I love you authors! Couldnt live without you!
      Love J

  4. Awesome post Josie. As another babe on the older side, I couldn’t agree with you more. It only gets better with age.Thanks for doing this.

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Sabrina! You are so welcome, we chicks have to support each other! Sometimes you wonder. “is there something wrong with me cause I think like this?” and you just need other chicks to join in and say “Hell No!”
      Love ya! Josie

  5. Mary Roya says:

    I remember when “Everything you wanted to know about Sex” came out. I purchased a copy and read it cover to cover in secret. Boy how things have changed. Now I can walk into a adult toy store and not freak out. I went to adult toy store and it was clean, bright and very helpful staff. I loved your article. Great suggestions.

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Yay Mary! I gotta get that book!! There sooo much for us to learn I think…It would be fun to read with your sig-other wouldnt it? I have a secret….sometimes I sneak peeks at the playboy channel when hubby isnt home! tee hee…very funny…
      Time for you to buy your own TOY BOX!!!! You go girl!!!
      Love J

  6. You crack me up…..I wish I had your confidence….
    I love your “lady on the street but a freak in the bed” attitude…you go, sister!

    • Josie Matthews says:

      WTF? Lady on the street? Jen…didnt you see me scratching myself between my legs today complaining to the boss that I’m chaffed from wearing a skirt in Florida cause my thighs rubbed? ‘Lady’ is something I’ve never been called…but I love ya for it.

  7. Carol Bjerke says:

    Great stuff. Josie! I’m 46 and feel that I’m in my prime years sexually. I’m going through a divorce and didn’t realize until I moved out that my sexuality and sensuality had taken a vacation. Just last week I noticed that I felt sexy, confident, assured. It was fan-*******-tastic! Instead of the world being black and white, it was full of vibrant colors again – that’s the best way I can describe it.

    My parents were very close sexually. I didn’t see anything happen, don’t get me wrong :)
    It was something my sisters and I discussed, and we just “knew” they had a deeply intimate and sexual relationship.

    Now, if only the right man would come along for me. I have so much to give to that special guy and I love having fun in bed!

    • Hi Carol!!! You are a VERY SEXY woman! Some man is gonna think he’s died and gone to heaven when he gets you!! Girls, you gotta see this girl shake it on the Zumba floor!

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Carol,
      Trouble in a marriage and a pending divorce can put out your torch for a while. But Im so glad you are back on your game girl. Im feeling a great guy in your future when you least expect it! In the meantime? Get to that toy store and build yourself a nice little toy box!!!!
      Any chick that can do that Zumba shit (spine-free creatures!) has to be a Hot-Nasty-Goddess between the sheets!!! You show ‘em what you’re made of girl!
      Love J

    • Carol,
      I have to jump in here. It will happen. I know where you’re at. Been there. Done that. Blogged about it on my blog. http://www.datingafterfortyeight.com. Enjoy yourself. Celebrate yourself. Live with intention, and you’ll find what you’ll need. I admire your zumba ability too!

  8. different people, different opinion too.
    This in my opinion.
    sorry in advance
    sex is not everything, especially in married life. why is that? because there are three things that hold onto.
    1. love
    we certainly would not marry someone without any “love” right?
    with love everything is so beautiful, even though the reality is not so. LOL.
    2. understand each other
    after marriage despite our love of the couple are very passionate, but otherwise this is a “mutual understanding” I believe marriage will not last long.
    3. affection
    after a long marriage and the ship sailed home, faced with the difficult and happy. finally grows a sense of compassion.

    when love begins to fade or be lost, there is still a “mutual understanding” with us to understand each other and coupled with “compassion”. the marriage will be stronger.

    As for the divorce, I’m sure they do not hold that these three things.

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Acep, Very profound…very thought provoking….and you open up a whole can of worms that we could spend weeks blogging about.
      People marry for many reasons I think…sadly…not always for love. The divorce rates in this country are astronomical. They hover around 50%.
      Why? Lots of reasons. People marry for the wrong reasons, people in this generation tend to want things to be ‘easy’, they want ‘instant gratification’, our society has made it very easy and acceptable to just ‘give up’… All of these things go against what marriage truly is.
      Marriage is a commitment, above and beyond all else…
      and commitment is not easy, nor does it justify instant gratification or giving up.
      Commitment is endurance, through good and bad, boredome and stress, ups and downs, temptation and mistakes.
      I’ve been married for 21 years. There are weeks when my husband and I loathe each other. Times when we adore each other, times when our heart breaks for each other, times when we want to leave and give up. What makes our marriage work? We are committed. We endure the hard times…try to find the UNDERSTANDING, the COMPASSION, and the sometimes deeply buried LOVE we have for each other(just as you have pointed out!), during those very difficult times when it would be so much easier to just say goodbye. Is marriage easy? HELL NO! It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever committed myself to.
      As far as SEX…its VERY important in marriage. It creates that intimate bond that is sometimes needed to see past anger, the frustration and the stress the marriages have to endure. It BONDS…where sometimes nothing else can.
      Thanks so much for opening our minds and our hearts to other aspects of great relationships! Love having your opinion!
      Love J

    • Acep, never apologize for your feelings or opinions. All are welcome here! Thanks for sharing. Hugs! misty

  9. Awesomely awesome article. Writing about sex, having sex, sex…all hot.

    I have fun writing about sex in my books and blog — it’s important to discuss it in an open forum whether that’s here or with your lover(s). Many readers HATE my books because it makes them extremely uncomfortable (filth, garbage, trash are just a few choice words) — and I love that. Why? I’ve evoked an emotion in them. That’s a win/win for any writer.

    Keep up (sorry) with your honest pieces (sorry) about a topic we all love…or need to.

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Rachel, You are so good to us! I am a recoverving sex-prude, so this new sexual revolution of mine has become something I want to share like happiness and joy and skittles!
      And I truly have to thank AWESOME risk-taking writers, like you, who have opened my eyes and made me feel comfortable with my self and my sexuality. My hubby thanks you too! He is a regular at Barnes and Noble picking up racy reads to get me going!

      I love keeping our topics honest and thought provoking. How else would we grow and learn if writers (like us!) didnt make us think outside-the-box and make us just a little uncomfortable? Keep writing Rach…and keep us on our toes!
      Love, J

    • Hey Rachel, nice to meet you in the Twitterverse! I will definitely be following your…writerly exploits. Thanks for taking the time to stop by. :)

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    • Josie Matthews says:

      So glad you found us!! We try to be forward thinkers and spread good vibes….Im happy to have been part of your day!!! Read on!

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    WOOO HOOO!!! Im so excited! Sabrina…you are the bomb! Got lots more Chickswagger to share! Stay tuned!
    Love Josie

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Trackbacks

  1. [...] Just the Write Amount of  Wrong, which blazes across the blogosphere.  Recent posts include “Sexology 1010 (giggle…giggle..) for adults only” and “Prettying the Petunia-Yes, that’s what I mean“, are some of the [...]

  2. [...] and if we don’t accept that we are too, we can lose them. Check out this post by Josie (here), where she complains, explains how society’s view of the sexual woman hinders our own growth and [...]

  3. […] to make sex a beautiful, healthy practice! Time to stock that toy box with goodies! (Check out sexology-101-giggle-giggle-for-adults-only  in our archives for more tidbits!)  and show that partner what you’re made of! Masturbate for him / her. Make them wild with […]

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