Mars vs. Venus On: Gettin’ Dolled Up, Y’all

I really struggled over the title of this post. First I wanted to call it: Why yes, I DO curl my hair to go to Home Depot, thank you very much. But crap, that was way too long. Then I thought, how about: You’re an idiot, go back to chivalry school. But then my readers would think I was talking to them instead of DH.

Then, it hit me. The topic of this post is one of those “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” things that raise holy hell make relationships interesting. Of course, by now you’ve guessed I’m talking about a woman’s vanityarmaments… process of getting ready. Well, sorta.

It all started one night last week when DH and I had a couple of kid-free hours to run a few errands. After supper I scampered into the bathroom to “freshen up.” All of a sudden he schleps around the corner and gives me The Look.

Girls, please tell me you know what I’m talking about. You know, the one where your partner makes you feel like you’re being ridiculous/absurd/foolish. Well, The Look was accompanied by: “You don’t have to curl your hair to go to the hardware store, you know. I’ll be outside.”

Alrighty then. Did I reply to his retreating form? Negative. Was I talking in my head? Oh, man…

My middle school meltdown went something like this: DUH! I know I don’t have to. I want to. Got a problem with that, knuckle-dragger? Why do I even bother anyway? Would you even notice if I went to the hardware store wearing hole-in-the-crotch sweatpants, bird’s nest hair, and boogers hanging out my nose?

And so it went. Obviously, not one of my finer moments. But at least the immaturity was contained in my own head.

Until now, anyway.

My choices at that point were either to cease and desist the curling and bide my time to deliver the lesson (that would be his lesson, not mine. I’m such a bitch.) – OR – keep curling my hair and make him wait. And wait and wait and wait.

The problem with the second option is that he’s probably the most patient person I’ve ever known, so even if I squandered our entire allotted kid-free time, he’d just raise an eyebrow and say we could always get the stuff later.

So, alas and alack, I unplugged the iron (notice in Exhibit A that one side of my hair is noticeably curlier) and calmly made my way to the mudroom where I sat on the bench to put on my shoes, thinking, how I can work this into a teachable moment? When all of a sudden, in walks HE and says, “You look nice.”

Bada Bing. He steals my thunder every damn time. I’m such a sucker. Immediately all my irritation floated away like fluffy cumulus clouds on a breezy summer day. He’s so lucky. (And if I’m honest, I gotta say, me too, because it takes a huge mental effort for me to stay mad for any length of time.)

BUT!

But…. He needed to learn from his initial mistake, right? So I said (in the sauciest voice I could muster): “I may curl my hair to buy paver stones, but at least I’m not letting myself go.”

“Good reminder,” he conceded, nodding oh-so-seriously. I’m 99% sure he wasn’t laughing in his head. Especially because he reiterated in the car on the way home how much he loves having one of the hottest wives ever to grace the aisles of Home Depot. (Okay, those aren’t exactly his words, but clearly that’s what he meant. It had to be. I mean, right? I helped him load the freaking pavers.).

That’s right, chickies. At least he knows who swaggers in this marriage.

What about y’all? Where do you fall on the “getting ready” scale? Are you a don’t leave the house to get the mail without my makeup kinda girl or do you identify with The Rockin’ People of Wal-Mart?

Comments

  1. jerridrennen says:

    I’m slacking off in my older age, but even if I’m not leaving the house, makeup is on and my hair is done. You never know when someone will show up at your door, right? Loved the post, Misty!

    • “You never know when someone will show up at your door, right?”
      EXACTLY, Jerri! So, it’s kind of a fear thing, I guess, huh? LOL :D

    • Josie Matthews says:

      You gals better not come to my door! I just might answer in one of those fishnet dresses and a pair of hole-in-the-crotch sweats to match! On the weekend…at home…Call me LAZY!

      • I was thinking of you, my darling, when as I was cursing “holey sweatpants” in my head. I love you, you know. :D

        • Josie Matthews says:

          Just be sure to have your panties on Mist….ACK!!! I have to say, being caught braless has to be the worst…I cant wait to get home and get that gosh darned thing off. So be warned! Anybody stopping by my place after 4:00? You’ll be risking a black eye if you make me run for the door! (How much is a breast lift? Will insurance cover that? I bet MEDICAID WILL!!!!!!!!!!) (oh…dont get me going….)

  2. I’m always wearing makeup, no matter where I go but being an MUA, my makeup gets put on in 10 minutes or less, and I’m out the door.
    I have a slew of clothes to choose from so it never takes long to find an outfit.
    I’m very quick at getting ready and I’m never late.
    That’s where I fall the “getting ready” scale lol

    • OMG, I’m embarassed to admit I had to look up MUA… The two acronyms I found were “mouse urinary allergies” and “make-up alley.” I’ll go with the second one! LOL :) I admire people like you who are so efficient with their morning routine. My kinda goes like this: get out of bed, get the kids up and get breakfast, put on my eyemakeup, make my bed, do my hair, get dressed, put on the rest of my makeup….yada, yada. Yeah, I’m a zig-zagger. I should really try to fix that. I bet I could accomplish a lot more in a day.

      Thanks for stopping by, Anna! :)

  3. I find while in Florida, I tend to dress better and fix myself up before heading out, even to the stores. When home in northern Minnesota – I’m just waiting for the day I see myself in one of those Wal-mart photos. It’s cold – I need to stay bundled up :-). You girls are funny – I enjoy your blog.

    • “I’m just waiting for the day I see myself in one of those Wal-mart photos.” LOL! :D
      They have really cute winter gear nowadays, you know! Where in northern MN are you? I live in Fargo. If you’re ever my way, we’ll go shopping, sister! :D

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Gotta love the Walmartarian Photos…Absolutely American Classic…Makes me proud.

  4. I am the no makeup gal. I tell myself it’s because I work nights and nobody sees me, but then when I get home for the rest of the day, I never do find the effort to put myself together. I envy people who are always pulled together with makeup and hair done. I always look like I got out of bed. I usually just did because of my sleeping on and off during the day. There are exceptions, of course. This morning I didn’t work so I am dressed nicely with hair and makeup done sitting at my computer wondering where I can go because I look good. People should see this!! I should go buy something…….:)

    • Haha!! Yes, by all means, go out, spread your beautiful face around the community, Mandy! Like I’ve told you before, you have *natural* beauty. Mine is all smoke and mirrors thanks to makeup. :) I don’t know how you do it, working nights. I would not only be a no-makeup shut-in, but I’d be a zombie as well. I think a key for a lifestyle like that would be having a great, easy-to-manage haircut.

      Anyway, get out there and shop, girl! :D

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Mandy, I totally get where you are coming from. I used to work nights at the hopital and I very rarely had the time or the energy to venture out often. Off-shift work REALLY messes with your life. I say you get that pretty butt of your in the car and head straight to Barnes and Noble for a hot chocolate, some good books and a little show-off time. You never know what you’ll see out there in the world. Dont seclude yourself! Thats an order.!
      Love Josie

    • Erika Hanson says:

      Mandy T- you just posted what I would’ve. Exactly! I always think that I should dress/look like I would if I knew I were going to see an ex-boyfriend. One time, I saw an ex-boyfriend’s best friend and he told the ex-boyfriend that I had lost “it,” as he saw him how I normally look- like I just woke up. Horrifying. Luckily, I saw the ex-boyfriend the next time after getting ready for over an hour, hair done and make-up done and he denied me losing “it.” Lame, but I loved it! Alas, I never do this and I have seen many people I would rather not see while wearing horrible things and looking horrible. Come to my door and there is probably a comb stuck in my hair. The problem with never wearing make-up is that when you do, it takes a long time because I forget how to do it. I once had the teenage babysitter I had gotten for a night out help me. The good thing, Mandy T can probably agree, is that I’ve never worn make-up except for special occasions and wore sweats to college classes 99% of the time. So, I never really let myself go, I was never not-gone. Ha! I think natural beauty has nothing to do with it because I know Misty would look just as awesome without make-up or her hair done. I think you just get used to looking at people or yourself how they look most of the time. And however that is, then you think they look nice.

      Great post. Wish work didn’t block me from this blog because its so fun! Glad you asked what the MUA is, I had no idea. I am also wondering, what is the DH?

      • The freaking babysitter helping with your makeup!! OMG LOL! That is awesome, Erika. :D You will be very happy to hear that based on our back and forth on Facebook this morning I’ve asked Anna (see reply above) to guest post for us on some makeup tips and tricks…and she’s accepted. Yay! So stay tuned for that.

        You make a good point about how we get used to seeing people. Therein lies the problem for me, and the bonus for you because when people see me without my “mask” (as Karen so aptly put it), they are appalled. But when the see you *with* makeup they see a freaking stunner. :)

        Haha! Thanks for chiming in, you’re great fun and we hope to see you back more often!

        Ps. DH stands for “dear husband” :)

  5. Linda Buechler says:

    I hate going out in public without at least eye makeup and a decent hair styling.
    Last Saturday I was getting ready to attend a birthday party when I realized I needed more sugar for the cake I was frosting. My hair was done, but I hadn’t started makeup yet. Noting the time deadline, I threw caution to the wind, and ran to the store as-is.
    I almost made it in and out unnoticed, but leaving the store, I ran into a friend I would later see at the party. He commented that night “I’m glad to see you’re feeling better; you sure didn’t look well when I saw you at the store!”
    I just smiled, and confessed “yes, I bought some cold medicine, and I feel much better now!”

    • OMG LOL! What rotten luck! I can totally relate, Linda, because I look washed out without my makeup. One night I took off my makeup earlier than usual because I was tired and I didn’t expect anyone to stop by. Well, that’s the first clue that someone will, right? Of course. One of my daughter’s friend’s mother came by to drop something off that my daughter had left at their house a few days before, and she keep staring at me like she wondered if I was the right person. I gradually kept dimming the lights in the foyer. LOL. Thank God for mascara and blush! :)

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Hey! I would’ve told him, “Hey thanks! Yeah I know…I had just finished having wild sex with the 25 year old across the street when you saw me. It was exhausting!”
      Just kidding. I ALWAYS regret when I try to sneak out without makeup. I NEEEEEEEED my undereye coverup and mascara, at least! Or else my eyes look like two pee-holes in the snow.
      (Thats one of my father’s lines…Hmmmmm….Blog post idea? Funny sayings from the people we know?) I spend 0 amount of time on my hair…A and B days its lots of gel for the curls, C and D days its a hair tie…Im a tomboy at heart.
      Love J

      • Josie, you totally gotta run with the “funny saying from people we know.”

        “Or else my eyes look like two pee-holes in the snow” – effing hilarious to this cold-winter North Dakota chick!! :D

  6. Josie Matthews says:

    Okay…Call me crazy Mist…But My morning routine: Alarm goes off at 6:20…hit snooze till 6:55…hubby hands me coffee at the bedside while I dress for my run.(no makeup of course) Out the door by 7:05….Run till 7:55…Shower, dress, makeup, hair and out the door at ……………………8:15!!!!! Eat your heart out ! God…after 25 years of this Im a pro! Ill have to post some of my ‘morning at work hairdo’ pics. Everybody makes fun of me at work with how my hair looks on any given day when I walk in! Great post lovey!!!!!

    • First of all, kudos on your running commitment!!! You go, Giiiiirl!
      Secondly, H-O-W do you get ready in 20 freaking minutes?!? Don’t you eat anything? I do get the pony tail thing. Having naturally curly hair must come with perks (as long as you have the right styling products)?

  7. Dear Misty. You are always coming up with the best topics. Love this. I began wearing my “mask”, I mean make-up my freshman year in high school. For some reason, lipstick and foundation somehow gave me a foundation of confidence against some fairly mean and petty peers. As I evolved into my latter high school years and since then, I’ve found a mask can be subtly applied with a tan and clever translucent powder, complemented by clear lip gloss and a hint of liner. My hair is always staged for the appropriate theme, i.e. casual wind-blown effect or groomed for a night out but “staged or deliberate” being the operative word. I have yet to go to the mailbox with “my mask” and will probably grow into my senior years with these habits I’ve developed that are now ingrained.

    Whatever makes me this way, whether it’s my psychological make-up or the literal application of it, I’m happy and my husband appreciates the time I always take to “present myself to the world” even if that world is just the neighborhood dog out for a stroll. LOL. I do, however, recognize those looks you spoke about that your husband gives. For the record, I did have a permanent lip liner applied. Called it laziness or rebellion…it works.

    Love you dear friend.

    • That’s awesome that your husband appreciates your efforts, Karen! I grew up seeing my mother always take great care of her appearance (total fashion plate), and my dad appreciating her efforts. In his words, the icing on a woman is her lipstick. :) And my dad is a blue collar guy! He’s my hero.

      I’m totally intrigued by the permanent lip liner thing. Did it hurt? Did you color in the rest of your lips too? Would you do it again?

      • Josie Matthews says:

        PS A recent survey I heard on the radio says the number one thing guys like most about a woman’s looks is her lipstick!!!! Personally never wear the stuff…I tend to chew it off in about five minutes and if its a color? I look like a total clown! Cant get it right for the life of me…
        Help Anna!!!!!!

  8. larissahoffman says:

    Love that pic of you at the HD!
    I live in the south. If you don’t wear a hat & sunglasses to Kroger, girl, you better have on some lipstick! However, my husband still can’t understand why it takes me longer than 10 minutes to shower. Sometimes men are such… men.

    • Ha! I’m learning so much about Southern Women lately, I think I’d fit right in! :) And here’s a high five on the men are such men comment. Totally why I think the Mars VS Venus thing will become a regular feature on our blog. LOL :)

  9. My mother modeled for me if you don’t look your best just keep your sunglasses on. I tried this once in Target, but was followed through the store by my old neighbor who just became manager. She knew it was me from behind, but the sunglasses confused her. Another time, I dashed to the grocery with a shirt over my swimsuit, shorts, and a ratty pony tail. Guess what, I met tons of my students who wanted to introduce me to their parents.

    Yes, I try to avoid Wal-mart because I am irrationally afraid I will end up on The People of Wal-mart. I do try to fix up before I go out because if I don’t I will meet someone who will want to talk to me. Someone I am not cool with looking like death warmed over. I think that is why I am fascinated by tabloids about stars without their makeup…they too had one of those days were sunglasses didn’t work for them either.

    • LOL! I feel like we’ve come full circle with our comments because the very first one (Jerri’s) was about being motivated by the fear of having someone see you (as you so eloquently stated) “looking like death warmed over.” HA! And yes, tabloids of the stars without their makeup is gratifying isn’t it? At least we know their MUA (make up artists – ha! see Anna, I learn fast!) are earning their paychecks! Thanks for stopping by, Morgan! :D

  10. Carol Bjerke says:

    Until about 5-7 years ago, I’d run errands in sweat pants, glasses and no makeup. But one day I looked at my Mom and realized that even in her mid-70s, she still got gussied up to run errands. She’s also 5’6″ MAYBE weights 120 lbs. In other words, she takes care of herself. These days, 99% of the time I’m “gussied up” when I’m out an about. Like many have said, “You never know when you’ll run into someone you know.” Additionally since I’m in the midst of a divorce, I never know when I’ll run into my “soon-to-be-ex” and his girlfriend so I want to look my best :)

    • You always look great, Carol! I’d totally feel the same if I was going through a divorce. He may think the grass is greener, but it’ll only be a matter of time before he finds out hw was wrong. Then it’ll be too late.

      And your mom sounds like an inspiration, wow! ;)

  11. Misty I’m a little late with this but I do the same thing. I couldn’t get through to my husband that I wanted him to be seen with me looking good lol. He used to get aggravated because it took me so long to get ready. I couldn’t just run throw on some clothes, and walk out the door. Oh wait I went as I was when we were first married before i started wearing more than eye makeup. Being in Germany made me step back and realize I was representing my country when I walked out my front door. My sister picks at me because I get up, shower, put on make up and then dress to go out for the day anywhere. I can’t stand putting on clean clothes if I am dirty and I have to be honest I take off the clothes I had on throw on the nightshirt and climb into bed I don’t shower at night unless I’m grungy from working. A shower perks me up and so if I bathed at night poof I’d be up and doing stuff lol.

    • “if I bathed at night poof I’d be up and doing stuff ”

      Haha! That’s so funny how we associate activities like that together. :) I also like how you viewed your “dolling up” as a patriotic gesture!! You sound like my kinda gal!! Thanks for stopping by, Kathy! :D

  12. Erika Hanson says:

    I thought of this blog and all the comments over and over again as I walked out of the house with dripping wet hair and drove to Casselton with the windows open to “do” my hair. What makes people turn out one way or the other? My mom would NEVER do that. Not that she always has to look perfect. She just always looked not-like-death when she left the house. I can’t say I inhertited that. I do wonder what I do with all my extra time that I’m not using to get ready?????

    • Ha! Maybe you use that time to chase after four kids who have endless pits for bellies? That’d probably be a decent guess, huh? :) I rarely blow dry my hair too. It’s just so hard on it. Here’s my dirty little secret that should make you feel better about using open windows to “do” your hair, Erika: I usually wash my hair and then go to bed with it wet… Yeah, I really have a mess some mornings. LOL

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Trackbacks

  1. [...] of swagger and mojo…and y’all, this girl REALLY knows her stuff when it comes to gettin’ dolled up. She pens a beauty blog called I Heart MakeUp Art. So sit back and enjoy these quick and fabulous [...]

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