Mean Girls Suck!

Oh, how I’ve missed you all!! The end of the summer was a whirlwind for me and I’ve been so remiss on all my social media fun!

But, summer vacay is over…fall is in the air…I have to re-enter society…and I have to deal with MEAN GIRLS!  WTF!!!

Hope I’m not repeating myself here, but it was a sucky day back to work and it’s only Day 1 ! So I need a little pick-me-up from our awesome readers.

Why do some women have to be so nasty? You know the ones I’m talkin’ ’bout.  The mother who sits next to you at every soccer game and insists on bragging about how her kid is the only one who knows how to play.  The co-worker who smiles as they say, ‘Is there a reason you did that that I should be aware of?‘. The skinny neighbor who says, ‘Honey, have you lost weight?…Your husband must be thrilled! ‘ 

Mom always told me, ‘Honey, once you reach your forties, you won’t care what other people think or say.‘  She was either really wrong or I’m really fu&%ed up!  I’m almost fifty (6 month countdown) and there are still MEAN GIRLS in my life and they still make me feel crappy when I have to deal with them!

As little girls, the mean ones teased us about our hair or our clothes or our toys. They hid on us when we came over and laughed when we tripped on the sidewalk.  As teens they stole our friends, stole our boyfriends, and spread rumors about us.  As adults…well, the mean girls are much more cunning.  They undermine our self-confidence with remarks made with sickening sweet smiles or drag us down with their judgemental attitudes.  They hurt us by either directly attacking our sensibilities or pulling us into the muck with their negative attitudes.  You know the ones I’m talking about…the ones that make you feel like you need to shower when they leave your presence cause you feel so dirty that you sat there and got dragged into their vile commentary.

What is it about mean girls that still…as adults…make us shake in our boots when they are around. Why don’t let us put them in their place?  Why do we allow them to continue being nothing but sophisticated bullies?

I think we first have to diagnose and investigate what makes a mean girl tick…In a word…COMPETITION.  Human beings are competitive by nature.  Women are just as bad as men. As babies we competed for mom and dad’s love, as toddlers we competed for attention and supremacy (‘MINE!’). As kids we competed in sports, academics, and 4-H ribbons.  When we hit the teen years…things got real serious…we competed for social status and  peer justification…and it just kept going and going and going. Until, as adults, we compete for jobs, accolades, peer admiration (not just justification), and, something which most of us are hesitant to admit…acceptance! I think this is where my mom got it wrong.  I still think, no matter what age, we all want to be accepted.

Now don’t get me wrong…competition can be a good thing.  It makes us strive to be better.  But when we compete for the wrong things, it can become toxic.  Toxic competition (mean girl status) usually stems from some sort of major insecurity in the mean girl.  If they feel threatened – by intelligence, work ethic, parenting skills, social skills…whatever – they usually revert to their toddler stage:  Knock the competition down and steal their toy.  They can be master manipulators, pulling you toward them one minute with their smiles and calm facade, then slapping your ass down when you least expect it just because  a: they don’t need you for anything right now, b: you stole their limelight, c: it made them feel better about themselves.   WTF?  I thought I was done with all this when I left high school!!

I know, I know…just toughen up, right?  I try!  But I absolutely HATE conflict and these women are all about the conflict.  I tend to internalize my ‘mean girl stress’ then take it out on the candy shelf at the convenience store.  Not good.  A good Snickers will only go so far and usually about as far south as my fluffy butt.

Well, I don’t know about you guys…but I’m and soooo tired of dealing with the mean girls in my life.  There aren’t many…just a few that I take great pains to avoid at all costs…but they are there, in all our lives.  We need to find a way to let their venom to float right on by.  Much harder said then done.

Love yourself, have confidence in yourself and set your limits.  Try not to let the venom spread by partaking in gossip or allowing the mean ones to tear others down in your presence.  Be the road block to the poison and then LET IT GO.

I’m working hard on this.  Trying to stop letting myself get emotionally beat up by certain people.  If I’m truly at fault? I’m all over that.  But many times it’s just the other person’s stuff.  You gotta keep their stuff in their court.  Don’t let it mess with your ZEN!   Surround yourself with people who spread good things into the universe.  The ones who make you feel good when they are around.

Love, Josie

Do you have mean girls in your life?  What makes them tick?  How do you handle them?   

Comments

  1. There were mean girls in my life up until last year. I was doing better things, they were jealous, and vicious so I cut them out of my life. One of them being a bestfriend for about 8 years and I’ve never turned back. Look at me now! I’m happy, I’m (almost) successful, I have a supportive family, a boyfriend who (still) adores me after 5 years, and a small group of amazing/supportive/trustworthy/respectful girlfriends!
    Kicking those girls to the curb was no sweat off my back and I know I did the right thing.

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Way to go Anna! It’s hard but it can be done! You are living proof! I’m such a softy…I really need to get over that. Sometimes I can get my dander up and spew but then I go home and feel horrible and bake cookies for everyone…pitiful…. You are an inspiration and a lesson in a nut shell! Glad to count you as a cyber-friend!!!!

  2. I did, and until I read your post hadn’t realized they disappeared! As you say Josie, it is their lack/fear that makes them do the things they do. At this point in my life I say what I’m thinking or I laugh. I do not try to be mean, either. :)

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Hey Gerri! They disappeared?? Can I borrow your wand? Most of mine are associated by career path…tough to get rid of them. Gotta find a way to tighten up the armor. Thanks for pick-me-up…Laughing is an awesome medicine. Im gonna take you up on that one!

  3. I was 40 when I started editing my friendship list. A friend is someone for whom you are there in times of need, but that street runs both ways. When a person is toxic to you it is time to stop calling them, stop answering their texts, take them off your email list, eliminate them from your address book.

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Atta girl ‘dehelen’! Time is so precious…way too precious to waste. Do you think if they realized they were mean girls they might try to change? Maybe they dont even get it…. Really true friends (and family!) are few and far between….

    • Sandra, there’s something about the looming 4-0 in my life too because I finally feel comfortable in my own skin (most of the time anyway). Women are hardest on each other. Now, if someone snubs me I feel like it’s her problem not mine. Not that it still doesn’t sting, but I’m able to move on without much damage to my feelings. :)

  4. I am lucky to not have to deal with this attitude anymore because as a military member, I work primarily with men. I also think women like that are reluctant to approach me in that way. As a supervisor, I have no trouble winning a war of subtle words. I think they’re like sharks, and if they think they can get away with it, they’ll go for blood. I’m glad you have such a positive outlook on dealing with it. Knowing they’re poison is half the battle, and I know it’s even more difficult if the person holds a position of authority (which in my opinion, makes them even more childish!). Maybe the Mean Girls never let go of their big-fish-in-a-small-tank mentality from high school :) I’ve run into several of the mean girls after high school who acted as if we’d been the best of friends. Their perspectives had changed because they went from the small tank to open water. I was irritated at the time, but after reading this post, I think it was better than holding onto that Mean Girl Syndrome.

    BTW, that pic was perfect for this post, lol.

    • Hey Angela, very thoughtful reply. Big fish in a small tank – it seems so desperate, doesn’t it? Kinda sad too if you think about it being an expression of trying to find acceptance and validation outside the home…

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Angela, I’ve always gotten along better with men it seems…and you are so right, when people are allowed to get away pettiness, it builds their ignorance. Certain people I can confront but some….geeesh…they freakin scare me! Its so bizarre! I’ll just keep my distance. You are so right…why bother holding onto the concept of mean girl syndrome. ‘Blip!’ …. just put them out of my mind. Now I’m thinking about CHOCOLATE!!!! Sooooo much healthier…. Love ya!
      PS Have I said thank you yet for serving in our military? If not…Thank You!

  5. Josie, you are like cotton candy. So sweet, pretty to look at, and parts of you stick to everything you encounter! :) I love that about you! I’m sure when you work with people like that on a regular basis, it’s hard not to get beat up by it. If you can’t just ignore it, I say start addressing it!! Not in a bitchy way because you can’t beat “lifer” bitches at their own game, but from a position of acknowledging the dig/comment/offense and then self-validating. EG. If someone makes a snarky comment about something you’re wearing, for instance, you could say something like: “That’s okay if you don’t like it, I do. Life would be so boring if we all liked the same things.” This is how I *try* to coach my kids. It usually shuts the snark down…unless the person is extremely childish. At that point, just walk away. She’s not worth your time.

    Thanks for another fabulous, thought-provoking post. LOVE YOU! xoxo

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Hey Mist!! Don’t forget fluffy!!! cotton candy is fluffy!!! I’m so happy to be associated with all you great, multidimensional, solid women. What a treat for my life. I think my biggest prob is my line of work…High stress can equal High drama…Isn’t it amazing how we can be such wonderful advocates and teachers for our children but have trouble sometimes applying our own advice? I do anyway. Just gave a pep talk to my neice (sissy called asking for help) about ignoring silly rumors that are going around highschool about her. Told her to laugh and say..”Yeah! Dont I wish my life were that exciting!” Note to self…apply own advice!
      Love you!

  6. jerridrennen says:

    I’ve been pretty lucky that I really haven’t had to deal with mean girls that often. Even if you do try to say sometime, they’re bound to win. I had one that thought she was so smart and that she could get her way because she had money. Guess what? She did. Whatever. I try to avoid mean girls now.

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Hi Jerri! Money is a biggy…It often does provide a sense of ‘entitlement’ to many. Sad…but I like the people who are creative about living life. The ones who don’t think they are ‘entitled’! They are sooo much more interesting and fun! I think we need a revolution starting with the parents of little girls…Our motto? Be nice, say sorry when you hurt someone, treat people the way you want to be treated. Simple….

  7. I stay away from mean girls! My strategy is always, always, to walk away. Cut them out of my life. Never let them know they’ve hurt you.

    • Josie Matthews says:

      You go Kara!!! The saddest part of this whole commentary is that at our age and stage in life there are STILL mean girls lurking!!! I have way too much drama in my life with my ‘day job’ to allow mean girls to mess with my ‘zen-mojo’. You are so right…cut ‘em off at the knees and let ‘em wallow in their self-induced-false-importance! (I think that should be a new entry to Websters!)
      Thanks for joining us Kara and we’ll be checking you out on the web!
      J

  8. Hi Josie,
    I hadn’t been bye in a while and I decided to stop over and see what thought provoking post the chick swagger ladies were blogging on. When I think of mean girls I equate them with people who need to cut others down to boost their own self-esteem. I kinda feel pity for them, how unhappy is someone that they get their kicks from knocking others down? I mean really! Avoid them at all cost, if possible. Great post!

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Hey Renee….funny you should mention self-esteem…Isn’t that suppose to come from the inside?? You are so right though! When I think of one specific mean girl in my life..(not a friend but an necessary co-worker) she makes it look like her self-esteem is VERY intact. She is super-scary to alot of people. I still (after 5 years!) can’t figure out why she acts like she doesnt like me? Really funny if you think about it!! Im taking all my chickswagger cohorts advice… F#C$ ‘em!!! (sorry…profanity is just so poignant at times…is it not?)
      Love J

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