Swagger to the Rescue – Naughty & Nice Gift Ideas

Sexy santa

Santa baby…hurry down the chimney tonight…

Holy crap, it’s almost Christmas. (And almost our one year blogoversary – woot!) Here on the Swagger runway, we’re all about helping you get your shit together be all you can be, so in honor of the season, the five of us are unleashing a whole month of NAUGHTY and NICE.

Sound fun? Just wait…

Because we want you to be gift-giving badasses, this week we’ve put our collective heads together to scout out some recommendations for naughty and nice gift ideas. (Men, you could totally win points by going off these lists, so pay attention!)

Enough chewin’ the fat, here we go…

“NAUGHTY” GIFT IDEAS

SHIT YEAH, FREE STUFF (or super inexpensive)

  • Homemade coupons for sexual role-playing, back rubs, etc. Feel free to get as kinky wicked deviant creative as you like. Writing stuff down is often easier than speaking what you want (a bit more on this below).
  • Get home before your significant other and greet them wearing nothing but a smile and a red bow. (If you have kiddos, this one’s a bit more tricky, but maybe that makes it even more of a gift??)
  • A sexy playlist for some hot mojo.
  • Wrap a deck of cards with a little note about playing strip poker. Winner’s choice of what they’d like to do.
  • Ask your significant other to shave your southern belle. If some of you are thinking WTF?read this. This activity can be highly erotic for both of you.
  • Spend time leaning new sex positions and then…um, deploy? them at calculated intimate moments. You can find these online or in any number of books (eg. the Kama Sutra). (Tip: Let your significant other know where you find these positions, so he doesn’t think you’re learning new tricks on the side. See? We got your back, bitches.)
  • Pen a sex story/fantasy. A fun endeavor to stretch your imagination and a way to let your significant other know what turns you on if you’re too shy to say it.

NOT FREE BUT YUMMY

    • Gift card to Fredericks of Hollywood or other lingerie store (Vic’s Secret has good shit, but maybe it’s too tame?? Google “sexy lingerie” and you could shop for hours…and be led down some very wicked paths. Just sayin’…You’ve been warned. Have fun, kids!)
    • A gift basket full of edible delights and sensual oils or other fun, fuck-me sexy toys. Rachael recommends System Jo clitoral stimulating gel (“because Josie’s post about how many women have trouble orgasming is just WRONG!”)
    • Handcuffs, blindfold, and a feather.
    • Crotchless panties (see Kinky Game Plan 2).
    • Flavored massage oils or kissable powder with feather applicator (Part of Renee’s sensual arsenal. She recommends KamaSutra.com. Check out the 30 second vid below. Yeah, I’ll be bookmarking this store. RAWR!)

We aren’t responsible for the other…instructional?…videos that
pop up after this one, but feel free to explore. Have fun!

    • Splurge on a night in a hotel, complete with dinner and breakfast in bed (most hotels have Romance Packages).
    • Make a toy box for a chica who is not fully embracing her sensuality. Possibilities could include: high quality ‘girl’ porn, a vibrator, lubricant, an erotic novel, and some sexy lingerie.

“NICE” (NON-BORING) GIFT IDEAS

…because the best things in life really are FREE…

  • Offer to babysit so a friend can go out with her partner.
  • Write a LOVE LETTER to your significant other. Sometimes we can be so much more expressive when we write our emotions down than when we try to speak them.
  • Make an extra batch of cookies for an older relative or neighbor.
  • Tell those you love how much you appreciate them and give them a certificate for a certain number of hours to help with chores, shopping, etc.
  • Refab an item in your home that someone has admired and share the joy you’ve gotten from it by passing it on. We ALL have more than we need…why buy more stuff for the dump?
s1448810-main-hero

Put on a pretty pout.

NOT FREE, BUT FULL OF AWESOME

  • Fresh Sugar Kisses Mini Lip Trio (one of my favs…just don’t put’em in your pocket. Wait, it’s not what you think. They melt. Sickos. God, we love that about you!)
  • Gift card to Amazon (is there *anything* you can’t get from there? Bonus: this can be nice AND naughty depending on what they end up purchasing.)
  • A cooking class.
  • A gift card to any restaurant.
  • Food donation to a food bank.
  • A visit from Merry Maids (or your local cleaning lady).
  • Make a donation in a loved one’s name to Toys for Tots or St. Judes or really any charity that means something to you.
  • Name a star after someone. My brother did this for my daughter on her birthday – very cool. There are several websites where you can do this, but www.starregistry.com seems to be ultra legit.
  • Adopt a military service person or send care packages overseas to our troops. My kids really got into this. We used Aunt Nancy USA – her website is very helpful on suggestions, what to send, what not to send, etc.
  • A goat (or a cow or a duck or a flock of chickens). Haha, no, this does NOT belong on the naughty list! Seriously, it’s a wonderful gift for an underprivileged community across the world to raise as food. Try organizations like Heifer International or Hands of Hope.
  • SHOP LOCAL and/or purchase a gift certificate to your local farmer’s market or a business in your community.
  • For the teenager who has everything, buy them a favorite toy from your past or theirI-Love-Monkey-by-Suzanne-Kaufman-4492-09 past. Let them know it’s still okay to be a kid. (Josie’s recommendation: I Love Monkey, a story about loving yourself just the way you are.)
  • Give the gift of a better community - call your local school nurse. They have access to families that are truly in need of assistance. Needy families have needs ALL year. Think about clothing or food gift certificates (have them marked no alcohol or cigarettes), pay an electric bill, pay for a college course for a struggling parent, or pay for a session of your local summer day camp for a child who’d never be able to go and sits at home all day on a computer. Pay for a child to join a community sport and buy the equipment for them (be sure they have a way to transport their child). ‘Gift’ your good deed to a friend, it’s better than another scarf.

There you have it, Chicks and Roosters! Hope that helps get your mojo flowing. What other gift ideas do you have?

 

Comments

  1. Last Christmas, I crocheted a cock-sock for my hubster and sewed two little bells on the tip of the sock. Now, everytime I use the expression “ring your bell,” hubster gets that heated expression in his 80-year-old eyes. That’s right folks, sex does NOT end at 60. Thank Gawd!!!

    Loved your post. Simply loved it. Now I’m off to check out those sites. Yeee-ha. My hubby will be fried, dyed and laid to the side!!

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Vonnie!!! Thats SO awesome! I can’t belive you can crochet!!! Just kidding…I love the cock-sock idea. How sweet…and even sweeeeeeter…80 and still rockin-YOUR-socks! I absolutely love that!
      You are one lucky girl….
      Happy Holidays! Love Josie

    • LMAO, Vonnie!! You guys are an inspiration! So….nice to hear people say positive things about aging. And this: “fried, dyed and laid to the side” – makes my day! Hahahaha! xoxoxo

    • Vonnie, all you need to do is crochet him a red hat and his Naughty Santa outfit will be complete. Hope those bells ring a lot over the holidays!

  2. Thanks for all the tips!

  3. Anonymous :) says:

    Haha I was laughing at so many parts in this article. Great post! Esp. “Ask your significant other to shave your Southern belle”…Do people actually, uh, shave each other? Sounds dangerous hahahaha. I’m going to regret posting this the second I do.

    • LOL! Why regret?! Sex and talking about sex shouldn’t be taboo. It’s healthy and normal! :D Yep, people do shave each other…it’s just another option in the “get-up-close-and-personal” bag of tricks. Thanks for stopping by anon! :)

  4. Mary Roya says:

    Last Christmas, was trying to put more spice in our love life. I got those sexy dice. You roll then do what it says. He put them in his bedroom drawer and I’ve never seen them again. Aagggh! So I tired him up and spanked him. Tee hee!

  5. This is a really fun list, Misty. Love adopt the military idea! Thanks!

    • Terri! Glad to see you! Yeah, I always get a lump in my throat when I think about all our service people away from home for the holidays… Thanks so much for stopping by! ;)

  6. I noticed you didn’t mention boudoir photo. This can be tastefully done with clothes on too–a type of glam shot. I got myhusband a star. It is the Orion constellation. It is called Scott My Hero.

  7. Love this list!!!! Maybe take Gigi out with us while looking at Christmas lights…that could be fun until someone crashes the car?!?!

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