Updo for your naughty bits…

…An episode of Really-Weird-Things-I-Learned-This-Week.

MerkinlightYes, your eyes do not deceive. That is indeed a pubic wig, a merkin, and that tiny black device at the top is a flashlight. Well, why not? If you’re spending money on a new wig, you might as well make sure it’s multipurpose! I’d never heard of a merkin until I *ahem* randomly came across the term whilst searching Google for something else. Don’t give me that look, lol. I certainly don’t use Google to find naked pics on the web O_o Anyway, my first thought was this is a new fad following closely on the heels of the vajazzle. But I was wrong. Turns out these lil toupees have been around since around 1450. According to Wikipedia, they were originally used by prostitutes for either hygiene or subterfuge purposes (hiding their level of health, apparently). They were also used by actors playing female roles.

These days, they’re often still used by actors to customize their nether regions for whatever movie they’re filming. Can’t very well have a landing strip if you’re filming a movie set in the ’40s I suppose. Okay, here are some of my ideas for this growing trend—or should I say regrowing???

Bacon Merkin2 (2)A bacon merkin. I know, right? Practical. It would come in handy if you were caught in a sudden snowstorm with no provisions. Plus, what alpha male couldn’t resist bacon?

How about a Paracord merkin? Not sure how you’d attach it, but if you had a good mat of Paracord, you could make snares, replace shoelaces, or construct a shelter from it. I’ve seen a tuxedo merkin, but I can’t figure out any realistic use for it. I mean, I don’t really go to formal events. A merkin with a money pocket might be handy if you had to wear a dress with no bra to tuck your bills into. An all-furry merkin could keep you warm in cold-weather conditions. If you add fangs, it could work like a chastity belt. I’d be scared. Just sayin’.

That’s enough of my silliness. Feel free to share your crazy ideas on a new merkin design. Now really, am I the only one who has never heard of this before? I feel so unenlightened! Did anyone learn anything else interesting this week?

PS—I also learned that turtles can breathe through their rears, chickens outnumber humans on the planet, and lightning strikes the earth about 8 million times per day. My interpretation: I’ve known a lot of “turtles” in my life, I need to eat more chik’n, and opportunity can come along anytime, anywhere.  There’s a lot of lightning to go around.

Comments

  1. Ha! Looking at this bleary-eyed this morning and I had to take a double look! What do you think the flashlights used for? Under the covers investigation? .Too funny, Ang. Way to start my Saturday! .

    • Well, this is one way to get those eyes open, lol! That flashlight merkin was taken at Burning Man, so it really was practical. Where else could she put a flashlight for those darn late-night bathroom trips? And, ya know, the under-the-covers thing is a plus, too *g*

  2. I admit, I’ve never heard of a merkin but I think it may be a great accessory if your in the habit of showing off your naughty bits.

  3. Mmmmm bacon. Now that’s a way to attract a man ;) Thanks for the new vocab lesson, Ang!

  4. A merkin, eh? Who knew? My Saturday is definitely off to a better start, thanks to your post! Bacon. I love it.

  5. I learned more from this post than I did from watching the news this morning (and I laughed more too).

  6. Mary Roya says:

    How did they keep it on? Not shave all the hair and pin it there? Tee hee! Thanks for a great laugh.

    • Anytime! As far as I know, the area is supposed to be shaved, and a special adhesive used–similar to attaching a fake beard (glad you’re not here to hear my immature giggling). Feathers and other decorations can be attached. They have ones for men, also. Hehehe. Pins! Might look like a porcupine or pincushion by the time it’s attached :)

  7. It’s such a funny term.I helped my neighbor, a theatre costume designer, with several shows and I was introduced to the term. Anyway, what I want to know is – is that bacon laying on a barbie doll?

    • I didn’t realize it was so common in the theatrical business. Makes sense, though :) That woman is a model who originally had rose petals all over her. I had to remove the petals and design my own merkin, lol. But yeah, she has a Barbie body *g* I’m like a little kid with a crayon when it comes to graphic art, but I was able to somewhat create her skin tone and edit the bacon to fit.

  8. LMAO! We humans are an interesting lot, eh? So wonderfully creative, so imaginatively dark, so compelled to create and observe trainwrecks. Merkins, huh? Gotta love our sick minds. Kinda reminds me of that meme that talks about non-orfice filling warnings on curling irons that wonders, “which one of you sick fucks made that warning necessary?” :D

    • ROFL! Trainwrecks :) Gotta love those Moron Warnings. Like the one that notes that cruise control is not autopilot. Folks, the RV will not drive itself while you snooze in the back. What would be the warning for a merkin? Will not prevent pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases???

  9. I know it’s only January but this could be the single greatest bit of new information I get all year.

    Grass Merkin with little lawn mower attachment for easy trimming

  10. Oh My GAWD! Where do you girls find these things!? LOL

  11. Josie Matthews says:

    M.E.R.K.I.N ….hmmm….where’d they come up with a name like that? Multi-erotic reversible kink-increasing navigator? If I had a merkin…I’d merkin in the morning….I’d merkin in the evening, and all day long. (hum along….) what about a merkin with: a spritzer, an airfreshener, a vibrator, a taser, an ipod, a spare set of spectacles(always losing those!), and for some of us a fupa lifter!!! (Dont even ask but Im very attached to my fupa…)
    I love the merkin! Its so pretty!!! But hey ang? Do they come with those bumps on those models hips? What the hell are those? (squinting…small memories of recognition kicking in…..) Hip Bones? Shit! I havent seen those babies since I was 7! Better order me a pair of those too!
    Love this!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 19,000 other followers

%d bloggers like this: