Gearing down from the holiday season, I’m here to help wind you up for Valentine’s. We’re talking erogenous zones. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, but NOT THOSE. Come on, try a little harder. While men may not admit it, they do like being touched elsewhere on their bodies. And ladies, we’ve never been known to turn down a massage, right? By avoiding those more obvious areas, you can really turn up the heat and the tension. So let’s take a closer look at other ways of pleasuring your partner (or yourself!).
I recently watched Hope Springs, wherein Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones play a long-time married couple who’ve lost their intimacy so badly they don’t even physically touch each other anymore. It was a super-sweet and funny movie, but the story’s lessons got me thinking. In these hectic times, finding the opportunity to be intimate can be hard, but making sure that we touch each other is just as important!
My husband and I are very physical people, and even we sometimes struggle to remember to get in that close contact. Sometimes I go, Yikes, when was the last time we kissed, honey? And that’s when I know to turn it up and MAKE intimacy a priority. True, it’s hard, especially when my two little ones become my fifth and sixth limbs, and hubby sometimes has to fight his way in for a hug. But I’m grateful that he does. I’m a firm believer in showing how you feel, including giving my kids big hugs and kisses that will be sure to humiliate them when they’re teenagers :)
Getting back to the movie, our first impressions are that the relationship issues are the grumpy old man’s fault. The husband and wife live in the same house, but in separate worlds, and they even sleep in separate beds. The unhappy wife signs them up for marriage counseling, and it’s during these sessions that we’re reminded of the two-way street a relationship is. Its success, or failure, happens because of BOTH partners. In the case of this movie, the wife has trouble embracing her own sexuality and sharing that with her husband.
And there you have it. Ladies, men are sexual creatures, and if we don’t accept that we are too, we can lose them. Check out this post by Josie (here), where she complains, explains how society’s view of the sexual woman hinders our own growth and acceptance. Not to give out too many spoilers for the movie, but when the relationship’s issues are pinpointed, and both partners make an effort, no matter if they’re actually good at it—it’s the trying that counts—that’s when true intimacy happens.
So I’ve polled the Chicks on their favorite non-sexual body part to be stimulated by their partner, and vice-versa. Here’s what we came up with:
Who doesn’t smile at the sight of an elderly couple who still hold hands? Hold hands more often. That’s definitely one of my New Year’s resolutions. And who knows, a simple hand-holding can lead to more naughty activities, like taking that finger you’ve just nibbled and sucked and showing your partner exactly where and how you like to be touched.
Hands are chock full of nerve endings and therefore sensitivity. They’re the ultimate way we learn about our universe, and it starts from day one. Just ask my three-year-old son who doesn’t understand the words, “Don’t touch”.
For men, they are especially prone to kinesthetic learning, i.e. learning by physically touching and manipulating something. Like tossing aside those instruction manuals and getting their hands dirty. Of course, I’m not going to point out that few men are successful with this technique… That’s a whole other post *wink* But hey, wouldn’t you want him tossing aside the manual and exploring YOU?
Uh-huh, ladies, we’re not the only ones with nipples. And we’re not alone in enjoying stimulation there. Licking, sucking, nibbling, the possibilities are endless. And Josie, didn’t you mention something in that post about whipped cream?
Remember this is a super-sensitive area (just ask any long-distance runner who needs nipple guards!), so be gentle. Unless your partner doesn’t like gentle. Yeah, you got it.
Some of the Chicks’
smart-ass clever husbands also commented that they enjoy the anticipation of their woman’s hands traveling lower. *Ahem* You totally didn’t get the point of this exercise, guys.
Stereotype is the man giving the woman a massage, but one of the Chicks said this is her man’s favorite. So break out the massage oil (which you hopefully got in your stocking), light a candle, and uncover those naughty feet. Which reminds me, there are candles actually made of edible wax…
Ahhh. I could literally sit for hours while my hubby strokes my scalp or plays with my hair (not that hubby would *sigh*). Unfortunately, my daughter is still at the *scrape her brush down her doll’s hair until it comes out* stage, and yeah, I’m not so interested in going bald. But hubby knows a couple minutes of comforting stroking will give his hands permission to venture elsewhere, if you know what I mean.
Working our way down from the scalp, the neck and/or spine is a classic. What woman doesn’t shiver at the thought of her man kissing the side of her neck? Or trailing his fingers down her back? It must be in every old movie, where the man sweeps aside the woman’s hair and kisses her neck. *sigh* Guys, are you paying attention? There’s a reason for that, you know.
What could possibly be more tantalizing than spending a few minutes down there, near THERE, and keeping your partner on the edge as to when you’ll actually get there? Better yet, next time you’re at a dinner party or restaurant, casually place your hand on your partner’s thigh, and when you’ve got their attention, gradually move it upward. The anticipation (and naughty associations with a public place) will kill him/her.
So there you have it. Touching doesn’t have to be limited to the bedroom, or even to sexual acts. Touch your partner anytime, anywhere, and with frequency to remind them that you want to be near them. And guys, listen up. When a woman feels closer to you, her brain and her body complete the equation and that will mean some more intimate time for you.
Here’s the equation for this post: Expressing what’s in your heart through physical affection = more (and better!) intimacy.
And world peace. :)
What do you think? Do you have any secrets for supporting and/or increasing intimacy in your relationships? What erogenous zones have we missed?