Hi my lovelies, I’m excited about being a part of this fabulous, edgy blog. I’ll be bringing a different perspective to things, an older perspective. Yes, I am the token wrinkle, the bearer of cottage cheese thighs, and the “why-the-hell-not?” lady. I’m a product of the sixties and wore hip-huggers before I had hips to hug. I survived the seventies and didn’t inhale once…twice, maybe, but never once. I’ve protested, burned my bra and breached the male dominated work environment at Mack Trucks, working on the engine line. I started college at the age of forty-four, met the love of my life at fifty-five and at sixty-two realized my dream of being published.
But don’t let my Medicare card fool you. I’ve still got some swagger left. Oh hell yeah! According to my husband, I am the most passionate women he’s ever met. But, what are my passions? Love, life, learning, writing, grandchildren and sex. One of my many lesser passions is the color red. Red is such a sensual, sexual color, don’t you think? Some insist black says “sex”, but red? Ah, red spells it so delightfully and succinctly, don’t you think?
Why is that, I wonder? Do you think it’s because it’s a bold color? A strong hue? A shade of vibrancy? Add a dash of red to whatever you’re wearing and see if you don’t feel more powerful, more sensual, more “you can’t handle this, baby” as you strut down the street. And ladies, I’m all about empowering women.
So now that I’ve gently led you down the sensual garden path, let’s get to some empowering tips, shall we? Because, face it, a woman is happiest when she’s in charge of her body AND her sex life.
Tip number one: Learn what to text.
I know you know how. But the “what” is the important thing. Imagine your significant other reading this text at work: I’m at the store and they’re running a special on edible underwear. How many should I buy? Now, even if he grumbles and growls, you’ve planted that visual. And darlin’, when he gets home, he’ll have you up against the wall. Gawd, even with my arthritic knees, I love me some up against the wall sex. Don’t you?
Or text him: I wrote a poem about what you’ll be like when you fall asleep tonight. Wanna hear it? Fried. Died. And laid to the side. Okay, so you could probably do better in the poetry department. But you get the gist of what I’m saying: A little suggestive humor never hurts. Make sure he thinks about you and your text the rest of his boring work day.
Tip number two: Learn when to talk.
This tip is best used when your partner is sulking. You know how men are… I’ll give you two examples that have worked well for me. Let’s say you’re going somewhere he doesn’t want to go, like your mom’s for Sunday dinner or boring Aunt Ethel’s for Thanksgiving. When you get out of the car, take his arm and whisper you’re not wearing any underwear. Then whenever you make eye contact, wink or smile. He’ll be afraid to stand up for fear everyone will see what he’s got. Yes, ladies, seduction should be fun. And you should be doing your fair share of it. I mean, why should men have all the fun? Torture him with your inner vixen. A power trip like that is a powerful aphrodisiac.
Never underestimate the value of a good quality trench coat. When you pick him up at the airport or train station or go shopping together, wear it. Imagine his reaction when you tell him you’re not wearing anything underneath. I’m here to tell you we’ve made more quick stops than the Fed-Ex driver. Granted most trench coats are a boring tan, but it’s the pink parts underneath that’s the most important. Right?
Tip three: Learn the value of quickies.
Hearing young adults talk about never having the time nor the energy for sex is a puzzlement. To me, it’s like saying you didn’t have time to brush your teeth and floss. Priorities, people! A quickie or two during the week leads to a longer love-making session on the weekends. And the longer your man can hold off his orgasm, the better you’ll be able to reach yours. It’s a sexual win-win.
How many times has your partner been in the shower and you failed to strip down and step in with him? Tsk…tsk…tsk. Why are you denying yourself, darlins’? Soap his body up and whisper some compliments. Guys need to hear them, too, ladies. Bite his shoulder while you soap up Doctor Love and the twins. He’ll be “putty” in your hands…and why the hell not? You’re in the shower, wash it off afterward!
Tip four: Become an expert at oral sex
Just like composing an email or making a good pasta sauce, giving great head is a life-long skill that will serve you well.
A little kink never hurt anyone. What’s vanilla ice cream without the syrup and the sprinkles? Learn to “play” with each other. You do want your man to have eyes only for you, right? Right? Make him your love prisoner, baby.
Tip six: Demand respect
All of the tips above involve you being in control. I’m an old woman’s libber. I’ve marched and fought for women’s rights. And, in my opinion, women have the right to be in charge sexually. We have the right to say what we want from our partner and to experiment with him on the things he likes. Educate yourself on sex. Read the Karma Sutra. Buy some good sex books. If he asks for something you can’t or don’t want to do, you’ll be educated enough to dazzle him with something you choose to do. Sex is eighty percent mental…and a mind is a terrible thing to waste.UNTIL NEXT TIME, HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY, Y’ALL! In closing… I have an old sex book I still refer to: “101 Ways to Blow Your Lover’s Mind.” Tell me, what’s the best sex book you’ve ever read??? I’ve got an Amazon gift card I’m just itching to burn. ~ Vonnie