The other day I opened up my spam folder to make sure no important emails were hijacked, and lo and behold, I found myself laughing at some of the subject lines.
I know some of you are thinking—she’s easily entertained. Yes, I’m all about finding humor in the mundane. Why not? Laughing is healthy. Therefore, I thought I’d share a sampling of my spam emails and my personal take on them.
I’m not sure who Big-Willy is, but he’s under the misguided assumption I have a penis. Yep, I have two X chromosomes and lack that male appendage. Nevertheless, Big-Willy wishes to sell me something which promises to enlarge my manhood. Two to Four inches! Permanently! That’s a sizable increase, since according to Wikipedia the mean of an erect penis is 5.1-5.9 inches. I’m sure there are many men who would sell their soul for such an elixir or gadget. But I’m surely not going to forward this email to any of them. I doubt any product could produce such results, let alone any results. So I’m sorry Big-Willy, I deleted your email. Hey, but thanks for the laugh!
I also received an email from Paid to Watch. The subject line read GET PAID TO WATCH PORN. Yes, it was all capitalized. I’m not sure about that as an occupation. Would I have business cards made up proclaiming me as a professional porn watcher? In truth, I’m not that into porn, but hell if someone wants to pay me to watch it, shouldn’t I consider it?
Another frequent email that ends up in my spam folder is from F*ckbook. Is this like Facebook? I have enough trouble navigating Facebook, surely F*ckbook would overwhelm me. Not to mention land me in hot water with my hubby. They repeatedly send me emails notifying me that I’ve WON a membership. Wow, I rarely win anything. I also get the occasional email telling me I have a buddy request from them. Should I feel honored? This makes me think of the message I received from someone on Facebook who said, I like your picture. I was flattered until I realized I hadn’t posted one.
I’ll be honest; I’ve not opened any of these emails, though I’m a bit curious, especially about what Big-Willy is trying to hawk. Sometimes I wonder if these emails are related to the research I do online. I know there are some of you laughing and saying… yeah, research, ha. However, it’s true. I write sensual stories set in Victorian England. I’ve searched slang terms for both male and female genitalia. Researched what erotica the staid Victorians enjoyed. I’ve perused the erotic illustrations Edouard Henri Avril created for Fanny Hill: Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure. Yes, go ahead and search his drawings. They’re quite…hmm, shall I say entertaining.
Maybe this spam has nothing to do with what I search for on the web. So let me know, am I alone—branded by my web viewing habits, or do you receive these emails as well? Do you open them up because your curiosity gets the better of you? And if you’re willing to share, what’s the funniest one you’ve ever received?