Chickas, I’m continuing on with Avery Flynn’s most excellent topic of underwear. Lingerie. Or in this instance, the space age eye patch for your va-ja-jay.
Awesome romance author, Sarah Grimm, sent me the link for a post about this new garment that’s sweeping the crack of society. I’ll admit to laughing until I cried. The backs of my knees, however, shivered and mumbled a grumbling protest. “Wear that thing and your ass cheeks will cut off my flow of air. Those support briefs you wear to keep everything in place are the only thing between us and them.” But think of my swagger, I countered. “Buy stock in Clorox,” the backs of my knees prompted, “’cause everyone who sees you in that eye patch will want to wash their eyes out with bleach.” Damn knees, anyhow.
So, I studied this design of the strapless G-string and its benefit to all you younger and more fit chickas. Really, there are so many benefits—and ways to up your Chick Swagger. I came up with Ten Reasons to Wear the Eye Patch:
• It’s like a piece of art with minimalist design.
• Provides great mobility and freedom of movement.
• No more restricting waist or leg bands.
• No panty lines.
• This item is a great time-saver. No more stepping into your panties and having them roll as you tug them over wet skin. Just snap these bad boys in place.
• If you enjoy tanning in the raw, this handy-dandy gadget will keep the bugs out of your “bug” while lying out in your backyard.
• Wearing it in the sun means no tan lines.
• When the bus is roaring down your street and your eight-year old can’t find her earmuffs, viola, snap one of these babies on her head and shove her out the door. Problem solved.
• Can also double as a sweatband on those hot, humid days.
• Or, if your hair curls all over the place in high humidity, this makes a great headband. The slight fishy smell you imagine you detect is merely an illusion, as are the cats that follow you.
For those of you planning your own or a loved one’s wedding. There’s also a bridal version. Since there’s bound to be a fair amount of nervous sweating on the big day, adhesive is recommended. After all, something old, something new, something borrowed, something glued.
Now since we’re all about equality here at Chick Swagger, I’d be remiss in not mentioning this product also comes in a male version. Slip Big Daddy and the twins into the pocket and snap the thang into place.
And because I enjoy the back view so well…
So, what do you think? Is there room in your lingerie drawer for a handful of these babies?