Blurred Lines! Motherhood, Publishing & Ben Wa Balls. It works. Mostly.

If you’re able to follow this post today, you deserve a freaking medal because—OMG—I am so wired right now. The backspace button is ready to blow up because my thoughts are waaaaay faster than my bumbling fingers, but Imma try to slap this shit storm in my brain into some kind of comprehensible post. No promises that you won’t hate yourself for wasting ten minutes of your day (or more if you’re a slow like-to-savor reader like me) after getting to the end, though. Consider yourself warned.

So someone innocently asked me this week, “are you guys ready for school?”

I curved my lips into the plastic smile I save for moments when I know that my authentic response is completely inappropriate. But in my head I was like:

WTF?! Have we even had summer yet?!?!

I got in my car and was bolstered by the sheer funness (yes, that is a word) of this song which has literally become my WRITER MOM ANTHEM, YO!!

<Okay, before you watch, I know there has been some controversy about the lyrics, but I don’t get it. Yes, the video is dumb (aren’t most of them?), but IMHO, this song is a boogy-down drumbeat cheering on all the women who break through conventional expectations and embrace their sexuality. IOW, you can be a “good girl” if that’s important to you, AND still enjoy sex however you want it. If you disagree, that’s totally cool. Let’s rap about it in the comments. For now, carry on… >

BLURRED LINES – hey, hey, hey! YES!!

I’ve been trying to reconcile monkey gobs of blurred lines in my life lately. Getting comfortable with those gray zones that are inevitable as you find yourself sandwiched between roles is a maturity thing, right? Right?!

I’ve been writing for three decades of my life, and with my first book coming out next Monday, I’m a little excited and a lot terrified (my relatives will read the sex scenes – omfg!!!).

CHOHDAre you diggin’ this cover?!
World, meet Zack. He’s as yummy and badass as he looks. :)

To say that I’ve been pre-occupied since being contracted is a gross understatement. So when school let out in May, I worried how the hell I would be able to get everything done and remember to feed my spawn not ignore my kids.

Hubby to the rescue! Like always, he cut through the bullshit to shake it all down and helped me come up with “The PLAN.” And it’s worked out surprisingly well: I get up between 5 and 6 and work until 9. The kids are old enough to get their own breakfast, and they haven’t killed each other have been awesome about leaving me be. Most days I’ve also been able to grab snatches of time to work in the afternoons, and then most evenings I’m doing social media stuff or reading until about midnight. Rinse and repeat.

My problem isn’t pulling away from the computer, it’s focusing on what’s right in front of me. A lot of the time, I feel like I’m in this foggy realm that straddles many fences: my children, everything I need to accomplish the next time I sit down at the computer, the care and feeding of my husband, where my next story is going, what to make for supper, extended family obligations, and when I’m going to make time to exercise…

running

Anyway, I’m sure this time crunch and multi-hat phenomenon is nothing new for most of y’all. So what’s my point?!

Let’s learn to celebrate our blurred lines!

If we’re running around like our asses are on fire, it means we’re not six feet under. We’re busy, have full lives, and our creative output is probably way more impressive than we give ourselves credit for because, damn, day-old chicken cut up and shoved in a soft-shell taco with black beans, shredded carrots, sautéed onions, sour cream and guacamole is a flippin’ culinary masterpiece! (You should totally try that, it’s the bomb!)

red-ben-wa-balls

Do you love your balls? Give me the lowdown!

And enjoying Ben Wa balls while cleaning amid a houseful of kids is definitely blurring a whole shitload of other lines. (It promotes vaginal toning…and multi-tasking is a sign of a brilliant mind, come on!!)

Well, maybe “enjoying” was a bit of a stretch. I didn’t exactly appreciate that experience. I think the balls were too big because…wait, that would be just way TMI, sorry! Even I have my limits. LOL.

Coulda also been the fact that they came in a package that had no “made from” documentation. They’d obviously shipped from China. It kinda down shifts the excitement when you start to wonder if you’ve shoved lead-filled poison balls up your southern belle. I will definitely be trying them again when I buy new ones that tell me what they’re made of. (Anyone try the silicone ones? Any good?) And a string is a definite yes—luckily I knew that important nugget the first time around because my stylist had an embarrassing trip to the ER after hers got stuck!

Live and learn from other’s mistakes! HA!

Anyway, here’s to all the blurred lines in our lives that make us crazy and wonderful! Big, grateful hugs to all you kick ass subscribers who continually make us laugh and think with your fabulous comments!!

So now you gotta hit me up with your awesomeness. Tell us, what are your blurred lines? Are you living two seemingly incompatible lives? What’s your experience with Ben Wa balls? Any suggestions for me to blur my lines even more? I’m always open to experimentation…

Comments

  1. I am always late in commenting to posts here…waaaay late. But mention Ben-Wa balls and I am SO there. Whoot!!! I prefer metal with smaller balls in them. Someone, who shall forever remain nameless, bought me a set home from Vietnam with chimes in them. Ohhhh, the stories I have about those. Really ladies, they are also useful for incontinence to help with those times when our body multi-tasks as it laughs, sneezes or coughs. Kegel exercizes are good, but Ben Wa balls give your venus spot a nice buzz while helping with that leaking issue.

    As for the writing taking us from the world of reality, yes it does. And finding a balance that works for each of us and our loved ones’ needs takes some practice. You’ll find your happy spot soon.

  2. Misty,
    This post was PERFECT for my ADHD. So, THANK YOU. I could feel myself jumping around with you trying to accomplish everything. I’m all about multitasking…and alcohol. Copious amounts of alcohol. (Which translates into two drinks and me sitting, in a chair with a drool cloth.)

    Let’s set aside the thoughts of possible poisoning from the “product,” itself. Which brings back the nightmare scenarios of the 70s and 80s Toxic Shock Syndrome information packets. These helpful hints warned of placing ANYTHING in the lady bits for more than 30 seconds. TSS kills, man. Look it up, youngsters.

    Ben Wa balls, in one’s Coocherella, while doing housework in a houseful of kids, is a cry for help, my friends. Is this a case of “Oops, I was having a little personal entertainment moment, when ‘blammo’ I remembered the laundry, or dog hair or bathroom grunge?” If so, take a moment and let those thoughts pass you by, ladies. Then resume your midday fun, or call a friend over, “for entertainment purposes only” or your toning exercises.

    I prefer the stainless steel balls, because they match my personality, and can be sanitized for my protection. The chimes freak me out, though. They evoke the image of Tinkerbell, or some other tiny, glittery, Disney-princess lady garden….er, no. Major buzz kill.

    Just don’t try to do all of it while the kids are home, because the eerie quiet takes over.
    You know, the silence before BAD things happen? Buzz kill #2. I live in fear of the quiet, and I have NO kids!

    Is there a happy medium? I don’t know. I just know that I am mesmerized by Robin’s eyes in the video and the song kicks ass. But, to blur your lines even more, Florida-style, I give you this generation’s Ode to the Posterior, but Pitbull and Flo Rida: “Can’t Believe It.” Because, the video is simply glorious. http://youtu.be/-WDcpwZqYlU

    P.S. If you find out where the FU@K Summer went, send it my way. We need to have words about the brevity of its duration, this year.

    Love, peace, soul grease,
    Michelle

    • LOLOLOL, Michelle!! Your comments are always hilarious! Yes, I suppose you’re right about the balls while cleaning being a cry for help…someone to help me with the damn cleaning! :D My stylist recommended the stainless steel balls too because she said you can chill them… Do yours have a string? Because if not, that’s a total deal breaker for me. And dude, that video…how have I never heard that song before?! I will so totally look you up when I wind up in Florida! xoxo

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Michelle! My new BFF! Nice epitath…wait no…that would mean your dead and speaking to us from worlds unknown? Anyhoo…stainless steel? A plus…but alas mine came with no strings (thanks to hubby not thinking of removal when he bought them) which induced me pitching the last one extracted at his smug puss after 25 minutes of vajay search an recovery…
      but thats another story…
      ADD…totally there with you…some days I have finished a chap in my book, built a kitchen table from saw horses and pallett wood, run 5 miles, done copious amounts of laundry, made a culinary masterpiece (fresh mozz, fresh basil, tomatoes, balsamic glaze, a sundried tomatoes toasted in whole grain ciabatta…), and painted 4 landscapes….ALL before 7:00am and ALL IN MY MIND!!! Alas the day progresses and I accomplish NOTHING because my blurred lines steer me toward the mundane work of a mom, wife, daughter and sister…. Someday I’ll actually DO all the things my mind works so hard to imagine.
      Sisters in deficit….peace out! J

      • Josie,
        I think I speak for the entire group, when I say we WANT to hear about the 25 minute search and recovery mission. I’m picturing Jason Bourne, a car chase and ninjas. Close?
        I love you, man,
        MMM

        • Yeah, that can be her next post after the one about her son who recently told her he started having sex… lol

          • Yes, please! Inquiring minds want to know. ;)

            • Josie Matthews says:

              I’m on it girls….Did I ever tell you guys about my search and recovery for my friend who forgot she left a tampon in and couldnt find it? What is it with vagina’s.? It’s a bitch to be the local nurse! Ill see if I can combine my escapades intomy next post!!! Should be a good time! HUGS!!

  3. Lucy Lit says:

    Silicone. Yeah, it works and easy clean to boot. And the chicken tacos? Yummy. Thanks for the chuckles. Again.

  4. It always makes my day to read one of your posts. Thanks for the laughs!

  5. Misty, they should crown you the Queen of Blurring Lines :) I can’t even imagine Ben Wa Balls and cleaning… well, except maybe for doing laundry. Good vibrations ;)

    I think women are masters of wearing many hats, simultaneously. In my house, my kids have this built-in 65 second rule…. where 65 seconds after I sit my butt in the chair to write, one of them has to come interrupt me. It sounds irritating, and it is, BUT, here’s the beautiful part: It’s made me a better writer. I know that the second I sit in my chair, I’ve gotta be 100% focused, efficient, and ready to let my fingers fly. Because that interruption is coming. I just know it is…. And, yep, there it is. Child number two. Excuse me a moment…..

    *dashes around the house making everyone happy*

    BTW, I’m so excited for you :) Congrats on your release *throws confetti*

    • I admire that focus, Rachael! With you as my inspiration, I’ll try to think about that every time I head to my desk or grab my netbook. I bought this tiny computer to make grabbing those little moments productive because, really, think of all those little pockets of time we could utilize. 10 minutes here, 20 minutes there…it would definitely add up over the course of a week! No wonder you’re so productive with all your manuscripts!! Your readers are gonna love you!

      And thanks for all your support!! It means more than you know! xoxo <3

  6. Josie Matthews says:

    Mist-a-poo!!! First off….Might I just say, AWESOME Effin COVER! And you know Im a cover freak!!! He…whoever he is…is a great model for Zach!!
    Second off..I love that song!!!!
    I’m so with you on the blurred lines right now…they can be ‘A good witch? or a bad witch?’ They can make us all-powerful super heroes who accomplish amazing feats of mental dexterity….or they can make us so crazy we forget to live in the moment…
    DON”T FORGET TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT! Body in one place…mind in another is a recipe for missing out on precious life. Being one of the ‘senior’ swagger girls…I can say I want to kick my own ass when my kids say to me ‘Mom remember when…’ and I have no recollection of the moment because Im sure my body was present and my mind was three days away worrying about scheduling my time and accomplishing my life of blurred lines…
    ANyhoo…Mist…from what Ive learned about you? If there is reincarnation…I’d loooove to come back as one of your kids…You do blurred lines FLAWLESSLY! Just LOVE you!!
    Ps…sharing my lines at this moment in time…(recovering from having 2 vertebra sawed out and titanium rods screwed into my back, building a house, temp living with physically ailing parents, helping to care for my agoraphobic great-aunt daily, parenting two teens (one of whom just announced to me he’s sexually active…stay tuned for THAT upcoming post) oldest going away to college in 2 weeks, working as a nurse, landscaper and painter to pay for said college and trying to finish my book which I’ve been working on for THREE EFFIN YEARS!)
    SHIT! I barely have time for my neccessary alcohol-induced fantasy world!
    PS…Just heard they are planning on doing a mini-series about Hiliary Clinton and Diane Lane is going to play her….F&*#!!! That’s like Channing Tatum playing Danny Devito for God’s sake! What are they thinking? I definitely want Natalie Portman playing me…hey….a girl can dream!!!
    Love you!!! gotta go conquer my crazy world! (But not until I watch the blurred lines video one more time cause it makes me all happy inside!) Love J

    • Awwww…Josie, I think the comment about being reincarnated as one of my kids is the best compliment I’ve EVER received! ***sniff!***

      Living in the moment is such good advice and what I need pounded into my head right now. And you’ll get CFLY pubbed…it’ll happen when it’s time. You have such an ungodly number of irons in the fire right now I really don’t know how you function at all, woman! Love you like crazy! xoxoxo

  7. Josie Matthews says:

    PSS…I REEEEAAALLY like Robin Thicke….Im mean like, reeeeeeeeallly….
    oh…and I have that ‘what I look like running’ pic hanging in my office!!! Mist…we’s like soul-sista’s!

  8. Misty, Great post! I’ve seen the Blurred Lines video, but I had to play it again to see if you posted the unrated version.

    Once again you ladies are so informative. Ben-Wa Balls? WTF? I’d never heard of them. Are they what Ana used in Fifty Shades or was that a butt plug?

    Blurred lines. Yep, it’s hard to balance life sometimes. Since I started writing, it seems even more so. Writing can take on a life of its own where it seems to rule you, instead of you ruling it. Like when you’re in bed and an idea comes to you and you know if you don’t run to the computer the thought will be gone in the morning.

    Congratulations on the book! You know my thoughts on the cover. Wiping drool from chin. Love ya!

    • Renee, I saw stills of the unrated version and decided not to watch the video because I was all like…meh.. when I thought about watching the models’ boobs bounce around. :D

      50 Shades had the butt plugs…but I also think she had the balls in too for a scene. It’s been so long since I read it now, I don’t completely remember. Anyway…get/order some! Then let me know what you think! And thanks for the cover love! I’m so thrilled! xoxo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 19,004 other followers

%d bloggers like this: