“BRZZZPTTTT!!!!” Now, that’s my peaceful little mental LP recording of Barney’s Theme Song that’s being demolished by the inevitable ‘time’ needle. In comes Meatloaf and Paradise By The Dashboard Light… “Ain’t no doubt about it we were doubly blessed. We were barely seventeen and we were barely dressed….”
When the hell did my little boy turn into a maaaaan who has sex??? F$%&!!!! Don’t even get me going on the copious amounts of cerebral clorox I’ve used to incinerate the frightening images in my head since his admission! WTF?
Okay…time to regroup. Time to be a mature adult and rid myself of those thoughts of locking him in his room and burying him with 72 boxes of Legos, 59 Tonka trucks and 58,400 hours of PBS and NatGeo programming. (thats 10 years worth of educational viewing, if your trying to figure it out…).
Time to put all those initial parental insincts aside, (especially the one where I pull every nasty picture I can on every horrible STD I can think of along with the stats on teen parenting…hence, his monthly XBOX payment will now need to be put toward DIAPERS!) and put myself in his shoes.
Time to go back to a time when I was a young teen…in love…doodling J & M FOREVER on every piece of stray paper, practicing the linguistic eloquence of my soon-to-be married name as Barry Manilow, Foriegner, and Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young watch me from their one dimentional posts on my powder blue walls.
Yes, I remember it all well…those first niggles of sexual interest…first base; some serious making out in my parents basement, second base; that heavy petting and touching that brought us ever closer to nirvana…AGAIN…in my parents basement (WTF were they thinking?), third base; not sure what constitues third, but I’m assuming its when things went oral….which much to my disliking is now considered first base by teens cause it’s (insert whiney teen voice here) “Not really having sex!”)
Then home plate…good old home plate where all the answers to the sweet mysteries of life are found.
Yup, we made loooooove….Or WAS it?
Whatever the hell it was, all I remember is getting up, yanking up my pallazzo pants(remember those beauties, ladies? hip huggers with the big wide legs?) fixing my Farrah Faucet ‘do’ and having to get out of there as quickly as possible. I practically stepped on his teen-sized woody as I ran out to my ca….?
WAIT! That’s not a car on the sidewalk? That’s a …………………BIKE! Holy Shit! That’s right…. I WAS ONLY 14!!! WWWTTTFFF!
Hot Dang! I lost my virginity at 14! You guys must think I’m an absolute slut! A hussy, a hoe, whore, floozie, scuz, skank, scag, tramp, tart…Was I a really a PROSTITOT?
God…when I think about it now…if that were my kid…I’d be mortified!
But to tell you the truth, when I look back, I don’t think I’d change a thing.
So is it wrong? Is it horrible? So many parents converse with me about this considering I teach Human Sexuality for the Catholic Church for teens…(yeah…go figure!)
But should we be bashing sex to our kids? Telling them its dirty, wrong, something only adults should have a hankerin’ for? Should we be promoting the vision the media portrays of sex? What as parents, aunts, uncles, friends, and relatives are we to do when it comes to talking about sex with our kids? Is teen sex in a loving relationship a bad thing? CRAP!!! I don’t know what to do!!
Cultural and/or religious restraints, rather than biological restraints, have had the biggest effect on our sexual behaviors. With so many cultures and religions…who’s to say what is right?
Now don’t get me wrong, there are many risks with sex for a person at ANY age. And with sex comes the responsibility of being emotionally mature enough to get that it’s not just about ‘the sex’. But how do we raise children that have a healthy attitude about sex without being that mom. You know…the fruity one that believes in sex, drugs and rock-and-roll?
As a kid, I was lucky enough to have two parents that taught me sex was absolutely filthy, horrible, sinful…yadda yadda yadda….
Didn’t deter me! (Obviously…) But it did mess with my head. I was never really comfortable with my sexuality. I was shy, withdrawn, self-conscious and quite frankly, grew up just not understanding what all the hub-bub was about. I was afraid if I liked it…I was a dirty, dirty girl. But it certainly didn’t stop me from ‘givin’ it up’! I was always hopeful that sex was the path to love, even if I never allowed myself to enjoy it. Was I wrong? Yup…but did it hurt me? I don’t think it did…
So were my misconceptions due to having sex at too young of an age? Or were they due to having such negative information fed to me about sex?
So…as romance efficianados…how do we unscramble the anthropological (notice I didnt say religious cause I know that answer) questions; “Is sex between consenting caring people bad?” “At what age is it okay?” “Does love HAVE to be a component?”
Taking into account history…sex has been known to be acceptable at ages as young as 13! Who makes up the rules?
Now I’m asking you to think outside the box…remove yourself from your current position as parent, church member, responsible upstanding person of a community in the year 2013 and look at this from your tender, young, teen heart. I believe love felt as a teen is some of the strongest feelings a person can feel. They stay with us forever. The newness, the excitement, the innocence of first love. Most of those intense feelings we never recapture again. Is it so wrong for teens to have sex?
Do you remember your first love? Your first sexual encounter? Do you regret it? Or embrace it?
If you had sex at a young age…did it mess with your mind? or is it just a wonderful, innocent, nostalgic memory?
In my case, love was always a factor of my sexual experiences (except one…the one where I sacraficed my beliefs…I’ll tell ya’ all about THAT fu$#-u& someday) and I have to say….my sexual experiences are dear to my heart and have made me the woman I am today. I’m not a whore, or a failure, or misguided or suffering in guilt and sin. I’m safe and secure and smiling at the innocent memories of my paradise by the dashboard light.
Why society (and the media) has attempted to sully up such a wonderul thing is a mystery to me.
Love to you all…J