Valentine Gifts of Yesteryear…

Happy Almost Valentine’s Day!

I thought it would be a great time to reminisce about Valentines gifts of yesteryear…

Take last year’ offering from my husband. Now, don’t get all judgey with your significant other if they don’t measure up. My husband has had A LOT a practice–this is our 20+ V-day together after all!

Got your expectations reined in? Great. Prepared to be wowed.

My hubby really dug deep last year to find that one true gift that really said, “I LOVE YOU, and I know exactly what will make your heart flutter.”

Brace yourself.

carmen 51JRENQYDML__SY300_There she is, Carmen Electra in all her late 90′s glory, with a magnificent 5 DVD Aerobic Striptease Box set! I still get tears in my eyes when I remember the moment when he pulled it from the unwrapped Amazon box. *Verklempt*

I’m actually going to dust it off and remove the precious cellophane packaging so I can really share the thoughtfulness of this gift with you. Wowy-wow-wow! Carmen really brings the magic with this collection. 233 minutes of primo stripping and lap-dancing instruction all guaranteed to make ME fit to strip!

Thanks Honey, you shouldn’t have! No really, you should. Not. Have.

Carmen was great, but even her tiny-butt wagging awesomeness can’t compete with my husbands V-day gift from a few years back.

Let me set it up, I had just given birth to my THIRD boy child and I had heard rumors of this thing called a “push gift.” All my big city girlfriends had gotten them from their husbands, in the form of bling-bling, while they were still in Labor and Delivery! What an amazing memorial to the effort of carrying a parasite for 10 months, (You feel me on the 10 months ladies–9 months is such a lie!) and then pushing it through your vajay-jay into the world!

I was certain that the celestial convergence of Valentine’s Day with the uprise in popularity of “push gifts” would guarantee me something sparkly–scratch that–I wanted diamonds, for my ears. Really big ones that a Texan would be proud to wear.

You Ready for his gift? Yep. There it is on the right –>porter cable

It can’t be! A PORTER-CABLE PCL180CDK-2 1/2-Inch 18-Volt Lithium Compact Drill/Driver Kit with 424 in/lbs of torque, 2 Speed Gear Box, and a 22 Position clutch! He even went all out and bought the EXTENDED warranty, just in case I went all This-Old-House on it, and wore it out. Does my man know how to please his little lady or what!? I could go back thorough the V-day gift archives, but I know I’m just heaping salt in your wounds.

So, this year, if you get cut flowers,
or potted flowers,
or balloons,
or chocolate,
or an unsigned Texaco card,
or nothing at all…

Just remember, you could have gotten a gift that says you should be a lap-dancing stripper, who is able to erect men–and framing walls–in a single bound!

Happy Valentines Day ladies. Go get your sweety-pie a spa-day gift certificate and call it good!

In the comments, please tell me the best OR worst Valentine’s gift you’ve ever gotten?

All my Best,

Susannah Scott

PS> I’m gearing up for the release of my 2nd Vegas Dragon book with a Rafflecopter giveaway.

Enter often and tell your friends!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Comments

  1. Is it really bad that I bought one of those DVDs for myself years ago? I tried it but imagine a giraffe in ratty sweats trying to look that smooth… nope. Fun but not as much about fitness as you’d think. lol

    I kind of get the Push Present thing… but so not worth the time it takes to grow and then care for babies. :P My man is an excellent gift giver though. The hard part is that the older we get the broker we get so we have to get really creative. lol I wouldn’t mind tools because he loses all of his and then when I need help with something (like a 1am pencil found it’s way into the dryer and down into the blower incident last month) we’re scrambling for the ones we need. I keep MY tools in one spot and don’t lose them. ;)

  2. LMAO, Susannah! My husband is not a diamonds and getaway trip gift-giver either. Though, if I’m honest, I have been telling him for years *not* to get me these things since we’re saving up for other big things. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want him to say “fuck it, I wanna spoil you anyway!” RIGHT??

    Hahahaha! I guess our men are “gifting” us in other ways, huh. ;)

  3. I couldn’t stop laughing all the way through this. Sometimes that Mars-Venus thing is so interesting. Ha! But Mr. Scott sounds like my type of man. One Christmas I asked my hubby for a router. Yes, that’s not a typo. He looked at me like WTF. But he bought it and even wrapped it. On Valentine’s day he usually gives flowers. Yes, he’s a traditionalist were as I am not. Loved this post!!!

  4. LOVE it, Susannah! Mr. S. and I don’t usually exchange gifts for Valentine’s Day, aside from the traditional flowers and chocolates. However, one of the best “gifts” ever has been him cooking me dinner. Soooooo yummy! :) Which, incidentally, ties into a gift I once got for him–one-on-one fancy cooking lessons from a private chef!

    Yep, ladies. That’s how it’s done ;)

  5. I like your cooking lessons idea, Rachael.

  6. Great post, Susannah! I was nodding my head all the way through it. My hubs is not a good gift giver, so this is what I do: I keep a small piece of paper in his wallet with “suggestions.” Whenever I want something new, I add it to my list. When a holiday comes around, he has a current (and convenient) list of things to choose from. And because I add items sometimes months before the holiday, I usually forget what’s on the list and actually am surprised when he gives me something I want. Also, he knows that an Amazon Giftcard is always on that list (ya know, in case it’s last minute because he forgot).

  7. OMG. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Wow. Not the best V-day gift-giver, huh? Nice.

    When my husband and I were dating, and in a long-distance relationship, he sent me a ton of postcards. Each one had one letter on it, spelling out HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! It was pretty cute. ;)

  8. Josie Matthews says:

    Mr. M is a true lover…His biggest wish in life is to see me happy…And my BIGGEST downer in life has always been my struggle with weight. (Yeah…Im beautiful just the way I am…I know…but I really really really want to wear a tank top this summer without givin’ the kids a black eye with my arm flap when I wave goodbye to them!!!)
    Okay…so previous MR. M. gifts:
    1. Secret Tummy tuck fat reducing creeeeeaaammm. Yeah…like THAT works…
    2. 3 Month Herbal Bowel Cleansing Kit gauranteeed to make you lose those stubborn pounds!
    3. THE SAUNA BELT!!!!! Just wear it and the belly fat (alias FUPA!) will just melt away.
    4. Last but not least…the last hurrah? A TUMMY TUCK! (that one worked!!)(ps…when the surgeon saw my FUPA? He said “Ive never seen anything like that!” comforting…huh? He also did Kate Plus Eights tummy tuck…)

    Now…you might think Mr. M. is wantin’ to change me? Absolutely not. He constantly tells me, “Why do you care what you weigh? You are absolutely beautiful…” (and he wants sex all the time!)
    Now THAT is the best present ever…unconditional love….

  9. Josie Matthews says:

    Susannah, I couldn’t stop laughing through this whole post!!!
    You crack me up!

  10. Hey I’m thinking the video set is very useful–what a great rafflecard giveaway on Valentines Day! “Didn’t get the Valentines present you want from Mr. Special? Enter to win one of the BEST gifts a man could give-straight from my collection from the past 20 years!” Unless of course he’s ‘used’ it–then it might have to stay in your private collection ;)
    Love the post Susannah!

  11. Josie Matthews says:

    Oh…I’ll sooooo donate the sauna belt, but Im keeping the colonic cleanser. Hey…ya never know!

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