The Swagger Secrets Male Underwear Review by Vonnie Davis

tighty whitiesWe’re all about equality here at Chick Swagger. That’s why with mega media attention on every Victoria Secrets Bra and Pantie fashion show, we thought we’d do “The Swagger Secrets Male Underwear Review.” I’ve searched far and wide for the styles I’m about to share. After all, there’s more to cover our man’s package than the boring, old fashioned tightie-whities—and thank God for that.

So, as we head into Spring and our attentions gravitate toward sprucing up our spring wardrobe, let’s not forget our men. As you look at the styles I’m about to present, just imagine how wearing such fashion feasts for the feminine eyes are sure to put a little bounce in your guy’s step.

One step up from the tightie-whities are the boxers. These come in plain and plaid versions. Long and short styles.
boxers

plaid trunks
If your man’s a little more daring, we have the Penis Show n Tell. Sheer, silky, sexy.
penis show and tell

For men in touch with their feminine side, the Butterfly Fly-by…
Butterfly fly-by
If your man is a farmer, we have the cow panties, not to be confused with cow patties.
cow--crop
If your man is built like a moose and hung like a mouse, we have the mouse surprise undie
mouse surprises.
And on days when he’s Mr. Grumpy, nothing will do but a pair of Groucho Marx Underdrags.
Groucho
If you like the animal in your guy, here’s the perfect attire to bring out his beasty side.
the animal
I’m almost sure I’ll never be able to look at a monkey in the same way again, but here’s the popular Hairy Monkey model.
hairy monkey
For those parties when you’re wearing sequins and sparkles, here’s a matching pair of undies for your man. We call them Wee-Willie-Sparkle.
Splash and shine
As Seen on TV…the Tuggie Huggie…and I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen this bad boy advertised on TV.
Tuggie
…and finally, we close “The Swagger Secrets Male Underwear Review.” with our favorite, The Dreamer.
Dreamer

Which style suits your man’s personality? Hmmmm?

Comments

  1. The snarkolapagus in me would say, put all men in the dreaded Speedo banana hammock, like that guy in Key West who rides his bicycle or scooter, all over town, in a thong. Just a thong. Oh, and carrying his “European Man Bag,” (er…murse). Then, take them to the beach with no sunscreen and see who starts wearing his big boy underpants. Blistered sunburns on one’s manly bits are no joke. So cover your stuff up, boys.

    Rule of thumb 1: Unless you have qualified for your country’s Olympic swim or dive team, or are an extra on “Magic Mike,” leave the teeny, sparkly manties to the professionals.

    Rule of thumb 2: Buy new underwear at least once a year. Then, get rid of the ones with “extra” holes in them. Be ruthless. This is a good project to enlist the help of your significant other.

    Rule of thumb 3: You’re buying the wrong size. Trust me. The boat with your 25″ waist sailed away long ago. The same way women typically wear the wrong bra size, you may need to try on (gasp….I know catch your breath…and exhale) a couple of different sizes. Gravity is not our friend as we age, folks.

    Rule of thumb 4: Underwear, or at least a jock strap, is NOT optional at the gym. Floppin’ about in Zumba class is NOT sexy. Your swim trunks DO NOT provide appropriate support. Yes, Splash, I’m talking to YOU. (Splash is our “profuse perspirator,” who fancies himself a bit of a fitness “expert.” Yeah. Good times.)

    Fortunately, my man is a boxer brief man, and I am eternally grateful. :D

  2. Oh my gosh, I woke up, haven’t even had my coffee yet and am laughing like a loon! I’m trying really hard not to wake anyone up. The sparkly one nearly sent me over the edge. I kept thinking THOSE ARE THOR’S UNDERPANTS! LOL That is one time when rubbing against the grain might not be such a good idea. And how does a person get them off? Wire cutters? God, Vonnie, you CRACK ME UP! Love this post. Oh, and both the men in my life are plaid boxer guys…but, then again, I’m the one who buys them so maybe I should quickly knit up a couple of Hairy Monkeys. (O.O)

  3. These are tooooo funny. Nice laugh to warm up a cold winter morning.

  4. And this is why I love reading Chick Swagger. Y’all make me laugh! Such a funny post!

  5. OMG Vonnie! Hysterical, thank you for your dedicated research on this important subject!

  6. I can’t stop laughing. Great post!

    • Jennifer, can you imagine the guys who modeled these things? I have two grown sons and both would have said “No freakin’ way!” I noticed few pics showed the guy’s face, probably because his teeth were bared in a snarl. LOL

  7. Love the post, V! What a way to wake me up. LOL

    Boxers all the way, because let’s face it, there’s just no underwear out there that can flatter a man’s “banana”. LOL Leave the frilly, lacy, sparkly, and sheers for us, boys. PLEASE. ;)

  8. Love that you “took one for the team” when researching this, V! I actually like the blue plaid, short-version boxers!! I would totally buy those for my man!

    You made me snort and scare my puppy when you said “cow panties…not to be confused with cow patties” – too too funny!!

  9. Vonnie, you’re so funny!

  10. I’m just going to say what everyone’s thinking:
    The Butter-fly away!
    Little mouse you’re squeakin’ in the wrong corner.
    The cow–Where’s the BEEF?
    Groucho–What’d you do with your STICK?
    Wee Willie Sparkle–Ewww turn out the lights!
    The Tuggie–TUG a little longer please!
    The Stud–You’re gonna need ten little blue pills for that thing.

    Rico, you can stay dude. ;)

  11. V, what a fun post! I’m wondering what TV channel advertises The Tuggie. I might need a subscription just for the laughs it might provide.

  12. Josie Matthews says:

    ;aksjdfhiawuwiepyrpw9083hw……Okay…Im laughing so hard…I just need a few minutes to contain myself…

  13. Josie Matthews says:

    Phew!!! Now that all the gals at work are wondering why im crying, time to get serious. THE DREAMER???? WTF!!! Oh my God this was so needed for me today…Winter Blahs and all! My man ALWAYS tries to get me to wear thongs…What IS that??? Do they have any idea what it feels like to scrape a piece of floss over your anus??? Little does he know I tried one on 2 weeks ago and haven’t found it since! (Snicker…) Sorry for being so ‘right out there’ with that but HEY! If I try to tell my man what to wear he gives me THAT look! The one that says “This is me, Baby, love it or leave it”…Cavedweller!!
    My fave is the Wee Willie Sparkle…I just love the names!!! You are HOT HOT HOT this month V!!!!
    Adore you!

    • I adore you, too, Josie. Men don’t like to be told what to wear, yet feel it’s okay to point out the sexy lingerie items some of us would rather not have to slither into or move around in. I love the sexy lingerie at bedtime to jump-start Cal’s engine, but during the day? Give me my old stand-bys.

  14. Josie Matthews says:

    Ps…Mr. M is a boxer brief man all the way!!! and doesn’t It tick you off how expensive underwear is these days? Went to Kohls and through a 3 pack of basic boxer briefs in the cart..(not even Calvin Klein!!) and they were $36!!! Ughhh! AJ!!!!! Can you knit me up a pair of the monkey ones???

    • I know. I just bought Cal some new boxers too. But then they do encase the family jewels, or so he told me with his most charming grin.

      • He’s talking in my language–I don’t want a diamond, ruby or sapphire in stainless steel ;) But that’s a two way street. Remind him of that argument the next time you need some jewelry for that special outfit.

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