Talk Dirty to Me

Let me set the scene for you. You’re curled up in your favorite armchair. A cup of hot chocolate at your side and a super hawt read in your hands. After pages and pages of sexual tension the hero and heroine are finally getting busy. They do some naughty stuff, then he leans forward and whispers “something” dirty in her ear…

man-woman-flirting

End of chapter.

MOST FRUSTRATING MOVE EVER

This is pretty much when I throw a good book at the wall and spend the rest of the day in a huff. Don’t tell me he says something dirty. Say the something dirty!

I want to know what it is, so I can feel the heroine’s reaction. To me, this is just as important as anything else he says to her. I want to know how he plays in bed. ;)

I’m not alone, am I?

Good. So let’s band together, people, and delve into the world of dirty talk. Which, surprisingly, has a horrible definition in my Oxford Dictionary. Surely, there must be more to it than just obscene words, right?talkdirtydictionary

Little known fact about me: I do not use swear words. Yep. Like, at all. Not around my kids (Yikes!). Not even with my husband. I’d say “shoot” instead of that other word. And don’t even get me to try to say the “f” word. It’s pretty terrible, actually. I’m the one on Google, “researching” swear words and browsing through “swearing for learners of English” sites. Not to mention all of the “guy flicks” I watch, notepad in hand!

Because even more bizarre, is that my characters swear all the time. Really, I should be seeing a therapist. Instead, I just have you lovely folks!DirtyTalkForNerds

Dirty talk has become this elusive thing that we’re all supposed to just know what was said. Nod our heads and go. “Yep, got it. Will use that one tonight.”

Realistically? Most of our first attempts *might* result in us falling off the bed laughing… (or was that just me? Sorry hubby!)

To confuse us even further, songs like this somehow give off the impression that you can use dirty words in a language you don’t even speak. Huh?

But fear not. Not all dirty talk requires obscene words, if that’s not your thing. *cue Chick Swagger theme music* The Chicks are to the rescue with CLASSY and SASSY dirty talk phrases!

PART ONE: WHAT YOU SAY

Let’s face it. Some of us are more comfortable being vocal in bed than others, but those small vocalizations are likely a huge turn on for your partner. Men (and women!) need something to gauge by. Remember, the human body really is just like a huge TV remote and s/he’s gotta figure out which buttons you like pressed. Let him/her know with your voice, your movements, your encouragement.

The easiest dirty talk to begin with is short and simple. Just think about his/her reaction to words/phrases like:

  1. Harder
  2. Faster
  3. Deeper
  4. More
  5. Yes. Oh, yes
  6. Speaking each other’s names/pet names

When venturing into the land of phrases, brevity is the key. Here’s what my “research” uncovered:

Commands: If s/he likes to be told what to do

  1. Get on your hands and knees
  2. Spread yourself for me
  3. Put your ____ on my _____
  4. Come here and lick/kiss/bite my ____
  5. You’re mine (tonight)
  6. I’m going to suck/work you hard
  7. Make me come
  8. I’m going to make you come so hard
  9. Look me in the eyes
  10. Grab/lick/kiss my ___
  11. Use/rub your ____ on me
  12. Eyes on me/look at me
  13. Make love to me
  14. Touch/rub/grip me like this

Requests: Begging, anyone?

  1. Please
  2. Don’t stop
  3. I want to taste you
  4. I want/need you inside of me
  5. I want you so bad

Reactions: Tell him/her just how great they make you feel

  1. Baby, I’m so wet
  2. You make me so wet/hard
  3. You feel so good/big/huge
  4. I love your _____
  5. You’re so ____. It feels amazing
  6. Can you feel how hard/wet I am?
  7. I love it when you ____ my ____

During my “research” (man, I love this job!) I came across this handy-dandy dictionary. Enjoy!

http://sex-lexis.com/

dirtytalkPART TWO: HOW (AND WHERE) YOU SAY IT:

  1. Keep your voice low and sultry/husky.
  2. Think: Whisper. Murmur. Purr.
  3. Speak slowly and confidently.
  4. Don’t rush it, savor it.
  5. Gaze deep into his/her eyes. A dirty phrase with a hungry look can be such a turn on!
  6. Location: Right next to his/her ear, perhaps a little nipping/nibbling going on.
  7. Use your warm breath to send shivers across their skin.

For even more fun, I quizzed the Chicks on their best dirty talk. To check out what their heroes and heroines have to say, let’s play:

PIN THE DIRTY PHRASE ON THE NAUGHTY CHICK

  1. “How about you get those panties of yours out of a knot so I can slide them off you?” 
  2. “Undress for me. Slowly. Yes, just like that.”
  3. “I really love your ass in these things, but I think it’s time they come off.”
  4. “Look at me, Sarah. See how f*cking hard you’ve made me.”
  5. “I know what I want. You. Inside me. Now.”
  6. “I want you out of those clothes and on that bed now, cause there are places under those layers that need my attention, places I’ve only fantasized about that make me hard every time I’m near you and it’s time for us to take care of that.”

A. Renee

B. Josie

C. Alison

D. Kym

E. Misty

F. Rachael

Don’t forget to place your best guesses in our comments, and *maybe* we’ll reveal the answers! ;)

Are you a dirty talk seasoned pro, or a shy newbie? What’s the best (or worst!) dirty phrase someone has said to you?

Comments

  1. Ha, now I know why your characters curse so much. You are living vicariously through them. The older I get, the more I curse. I’m not sure why that is. Perhaps, it’s because you can’t ovoid hearing most so-called four letter words.

    I’m not much of a dirty talker, but every once in a while I like to shock my hubby. Enjoyed the post. Hugs!

    • LOL, yep, Renee! You got me ;)

      Hmmm… Maybe it’s because you don’t have little ones that you have to watch your mouth around? I’ll let you know in a few years if this happens for me too. LOL

      Good for you! Gotta keep those men on their toes! ;)

  2. Good for you! I wish I could say I didn’t cuss, a wise man told me cussing was a sign of someone with a low vocabulary, yet somehow if I’m not happy that’s what spills from my mouth. YES, I need to reach DEEPER, try HARDER for MORE creativity. OH YES! It’s coming FASTER now. PLEASE, DON’T STOP. IT FEELS SO GOOD, I LOVE IT WHEN YOU TALK DIRTY TO ME!

    Wow, that felt really good;)

  3. Anthony A. says:

    Never thought about this topic much, and I was a little surprised at how much of this list sounded familiar to me…both what I do, and what I’ve heard. Guess it’s a good thing I don’t have to think about it much as that would likely lead to over-thinking and attempts at dirty talk that causes the above mentioned falling off the bed.

    I tend to swear a lot, but usually only when I’m by myself/in my head. Learned the hard way about censoring myself in front of the little ones as my then three year old picked up on an ‘under my breath, muttered ‘f*ckin’ once and repeated it immediately. After hiding the chuckle, i tell her “No honey, that’s an adult word, you shouldn’t use that like Papa”…. and of course, her immediate response was to chant “f*ckin Papa! f*ckin Papa! f*ckin Papa!”. Thankfully, it was at home, around no one but myself. And it didn’t last long. There have been no repeat performances. Nowadays we just have to police the occasional ‘damn it!’. And eventually have to set her straight that ‘douchebag’ doesn’t actually mean ‘very bad driver’ like she learned from Mama lol

    • You are so right, Anthony! I think the best dirty talk happens when we get out of our heads :)

      That is hilarious! Kids will just pick up anything, especially something their parents react strongly to! A few weeks ago, my 4 y/o son was counting on his fingers, and held up his middle one to my husband, who laughed his head off. Well, my son loves to make people laugh, so he kept doing it! And my husband kept laughing! Let’s just say it took a lot of verbal threats (to my husband) and fake laughter (to my son) as I gestured with every finger but that one!

      Thanks so much for stopping by! :)

    • LMAO, Anthony! That is so classic. Kids immediate repeat new words – my son heard my husband say bastard and we couldn’t shut that one down (or suppress our smiles) for quite a while. LOL!

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Love the douchebag scenerio!!!That’s alllll me!

  4. I have an awful potty mouth, and I really don’t give a shit. ;) I’m not sure how I manage to keep it so clean around my littles, but I guess it’s a talent.

    Yeah right! Maybe I’m good at multiple personalities? Lately my hubs has been laying on the dirty talk, and I have to say I quite fucking love it!

    Should I play the pin the dirty tag on the author? Okay, okay! Here’s my best guess… :)
    ——————————-
    D. “How about you get those panties of yours out of a knot so I can slide them off you?”

    A. ““Undress for me. Slowly. Yes, just like that.”

    E. “I really love your ass in these things, but I think it’s time they come off.”

    C. “Look at me, Sarah. See how f*cking hard you’ve made me.”

    F. “I know what I want. You. Inside me. Now.”

    B. “I want you out of those clothes and on that bed now, cause there are places under those layers that need my attention, places I’ve only fantasized about that make me hard every time I’m near you and it’s time for us to take care of that.”

    • Ha! And here I imagined you, Misty, the Mother Hen, running around with a bar of soap in your hands :)

      Nice try, but nope! You got a few right, but I’m not sharing which ones ;)

  5. Josie Matthews says:

    I have a TERRIBLE mouth…just ask my kids. They are all over me about it but somehow I managed to temper it in the appropriate situations…Phew!
    As for dirty – talk? It’s my mostest-favoritist part of a great fucking read! (that my low vocab personality comin’ out there, Kym!) If a love scene doesn’t have the words, I’m left flat and wanting…Its all about the mind that makes it sexy.
    Me, however…I’m not real good at it in bed. I’m one of the recovering catholic gals that still subconciously thinks she’s a bad girl if she lets her sex-kitten out! BIG PROB with the hubby. I don’t know what my problem is!! UGH!!!
    I love the little tutorial, Rach….Gotta get Mr. M to read it and boost up his sexy vocab!!!
    Okay, Dietz….its on…tell use who wins Rach…
    1. c
    2. a
    3. e
    4. f
    5. d
    6. b
    Did I win? Did I win????

    • That’s so cute how your kids are correcting your behaviour, Josie. Kids can be so bossy (and they’re always right). LOL

      Get crackin’ on practicing your dirty talk, woman! Mr. M will definitely appreciate it :)

      And nope, I’m not saying anything until we get a few more players ;)

  6. Okay, I know I’m late to the game, but I’m dying to play!!
    First let me say that I LOVE THIS POST, Rachael! Totally makes me smile!
    And I have a confession to make. I’m a total pottymouth. In bed. Outta bed. Doesn’t really matter to me. I like to talk dirty. Of course, I do try to curb my language in mixed company or in front of children. I mean, it’s not like I walk into my doctor’s office and say, “How the fuck are ya?” or something. But if I’m in a room full of my friends, they’re usually laughing at how many times I can drop the F*bomb in one single sentence. And trust me, it’s a lot. (I’m sure my parents are proud. LOL)

    As far as the worst dirty phrase ever spoken to me? Well, that award goes to my hubby back when we were dating. He tried (unsuccessfully) to sex me up by saying, “I want to feel your nice, warm innards.” Um…excuse me? He thought it was sexy. I thought it sounded more like he was a hunter wanting to gut me like a dead deer. LOL He’s lucky I stayed with him after that. And I’m lucky he got much better at the dirty talk. But then again, he had one helluva teacher. ;)

    Here are my answers:

    1. C
    2. F
    3. E
    4. D
    5. A
    6. B

    Fun post, Rach!!!

    • Aw, thanks Alison! Yeah, I’m surprised you didn’t call the cops on Mr. Bliss for that one. Innards? Really? LOL Sounds like he wanted to carve you up!

      Good on you for teaching your man some dirty phrases! I’ve said it before, but Mr. Bliss (*snickers* I just love calling him that!) is one lucky guy ;)

      Thanks for playing! I’ll release your secret identities tomorrow!

    • Josie Matthews says:

      A!!! Innards?? I love it ! That is so something my redneck hubby would say. That is so cute! Will you teach Mr. M for me? We could have a class! Like Rosetta Stone!

  7. I totally enjoyed reading this! Great job! I’m definitely not a “talk dirty” virgin. I popped that cherry a while ago! 😉 I fucking love saying how I feel and begging for more…it makes things HOT! And as you can tell I have a potty mouth(I’m part trucker and sailor some days) but I reign it in when I’m suppose to! Happy Friday Ladies….may the dirty talk be ever in your favor! 😊

  8. Aw, thanks Sarah! So glad you enjoyed it and stopped by to tell me so! :) And I agree. Dirty talk IS hot! It’s awesome that you’re so comfortable expressing what you want–exactly our philosophy here at Chick Swagger :)

    Happy Dirty Talk Friday to you too! (& love the HG reference!)

  9. And the winner is… *drumroll*

    JOSIE!!! Congrats. You officially know us too well! LOL

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 19,004 other followers

%d bloggers like this: