Realistic Kink for the Girl Next Door. Part 1

What we have here, chicklets, is more mature content…be forewarned. Or rather, foreplayed? Ha!

Anyway, I caved and bought the 50 Shades book. I enjoyed it for the sheer vicarious thrill, so I got the second one. This time I’m stalled around a third of the way in, but nevertheless, I think the trilogy’s success is a wonderful thing. Anything that gets people more aware of and comfortable with their sexuality is a good thing. And no, this post isn’t about the books themselves, but rather, what we can take away from the phenomenon. Specifically…

Kink can be exciting. And liberating. And another way to bond (take that however you like) with your partner.

How much kink is, of course, a personal thing. And life can get in the way: jobs, kids, bills, errands, housework, health, etc. But if you found yourself enjoying the 50 Shades Trilogy, take heart, you’re a passionate creature. Relaxing some of your inhibitions doesn’t happen overnight, but even little steps can breath new life into your sexual relationship.

Now before you read any further, repeat after me:

It doesn’t matter what shape, size, or age I am.

Your man is gonna think you’re a goddess when you start paying more attention to your sexual self. Have a little faith in him and in yourself.

Are you ready then? Don’t worry, this is just the warm-up for this little series I’m starting. Okay? Here we go!

Kinky Game Plan 1: Think & Talk Dirty – Outside the Bedroom

Even if it’s just a little. The thinking part comes first. Plan what you’re going to say, so that by the time you actually say it, you’ll be crackling with energy, and your words will have an even more potent effect.

Scenario: When your man gets home from work (or when you get home, if you get home later), drop whatever you’re doing and smile mysteriously as you walk up to him (It’s okay if you giggle a little too – it’ll snag his attention even more.).  Put your arms around him and kiss him (lips, neck, nip/lick his ear, whatever you’re comfortable doing at this point). Ask him how his day was. If it was good, say something like, “Oh, fantastic. It must be your lucky day then because I want to make it even better tonight.”

If it was only a so-so or even a crappy day, your dialogue will be all about giving him a ‘happy ending.’  For example, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, sweetie, but I think I know how to make you feel so much better…”

And then…leave it at that. If he asks what you have in mind, don’t give it all away. Be mysterious. Throughout the evening, pepper your interactions with graphic innuendos, touching (see KGP3 below) and whispered *hints* of what you want to do with him or how you’re feeling.

Examples: “I can’t wait until you strip my clothes off.” or “I can’t stop thinking about you.” or “Blow. Job.” or “Be ready.” or “Is it time for the kids to go to bed yet?” or “I want your hands/lips/mouth all over me.” or “Have you taken your heart medication? Cause you’re gonna need it.” or…you get the idea.

As far as innuendos go, eating is a great time to make your man’s heart pound…If you really want to make him sweat, popsicles are awesome. Other ideas: stretching very luxuriously so that your breasts press against your shirt, rubbing a glass of ice water against your neck as you stare at him, and simply just walking around and going about your business with a secretive smile all evening is sure to arrest his attention.

Use whatever words/actions work for you, but try to push your boundaries a little…even if you sense your partner’s a little weirded out. If you haven’t done anything like this before (or in a long time), he’ll probably be wondering where his woman went and who this new, mysterious and sensual creature is. Trust me, he may be confused, but he’ll be intrigued. And he’ll enjoy it.

Stay the course.

Kinky Game Plan 2: Open Panel Panties (AKA: crotchless)

If you don’t do anything else…you simply MUST have some of these!! They come in every size and style from thongs to boy shorts to moderate-coverage varieties. This YouTube video doesn’t show any of the moderate coverage varieties, hence the additional pictures below. There are websites galore you can order from – even Amazon has some really cute options.

(It’s not your speakers, this video doesn’t have sound.)

If you can’t keep your heart from racing just *ordering* a few pairs, can you imagine the look on your man’s face when he discovers your erotic secret?

Don’t tell him you’ve bought them, but do let on that you have a surprise and can’t wait to share it with him. If you order these online, your motor will rev for days while you wait for them to arrive. Talk about foreplay…and your man hasn’t even touched you yet.

It had been a while since I’d deployed these little scraps of power, so I bought some new ones. Yowza. When he found out, his reaction was…


So, of course, I stacked the deck and told him that the next time he took me out I’d attach the garters that came with the panties and wear it under a skirt (Kinky GP 1 + 2). His response was…definitely not fit for public consumption (some things have to stay behind closed doors! LOL).


Aaanyway, try these for yourself and be prepared for sparks to fly!

Kinky Game Plan 3: Touch More of Him More Often

When was the last time you ran your hand up your man’s inner thigh toward his happy place? Do this in the car. A lot. He’ll begin reciprocating. Fun times, chickies! It’s even more exciting when you  have to do it on the sly because the kids are in the car.

Ideas to Incorporate into Your Daily Life:
Come at your man from behind, wrap your arms around him and press your breasts into his back as you rub his chest. The next time you hug him, tunnel your fingers through his hair, feather your finger across his cheekbone or his lips. When he walks by to put his plate in the dishwasher, press your body to his while you reach for something on the counter. When he’s reading the paper or watching TV, rake your fingers across his chest or through his hair. Press a kiss to his back while he’s shaving shirtless after a shower. Smack or pinch him on the rear as you walk by.

These don’t need to be long, drawn out moments. Not everyone is touchy-feely, but even quick little interactions help create touch points that keep you connected on several levels.

You don’t need a reason to touch your man. He’s yours for the taking.

See? Easy, right?

None of these ideas are too kinky or earth shattering. You can totally do this. I’ll post a few more “realistic kink” ideas in a couple of weeks.

In the meantime, what do you think of these game plans? Are they something you already do or would be willing to try? Why or why not?



  1. Larissa Reinhart says:

    My hubby is always glad when I read these posts. Thanks for sharing, Misty! I’ve heard mixed reviews on 50 Shades. I haven’t read it yet, but anything that gets read that much, must have a good story.

    • Hahaha! Awesome! I’m glad your hubby’s glad! 😀

      Yeah, the books have to be taken for what they are…a vicarious thrill. And I’ll leave it at that. But as I said, I think their popularity is a great thing. 🙂

  2. Misty, you should open an advice column on the swagger for authors who need to incorporate a sex scene into their novel but not sure how to do it. You’ve got a way of giving direction in real life that could easily bleed into a scene on paper. Talented gift to have and you do it with a sense of purity. The gamble would be to those who might take it to a level that wouldn’t appeal to the naughty but nice crowd who could benefit from your very sensual portrayal of an intimate and beautiful relationship between a man and woman. Classy approach, my friend. Well done.

  3. wlynnchantale says:

    I’m so glad I got a chance to stop in and read this. Talk about spicing things up. 🙂 Gotta snag a pair of those crotchless panties. Great post Misty!

  4. Just a touch out of the ordinary gets my boys mojo going!
    Or an off the shoulder top. He loves seeing it sneakily slip down my arm lol
    Great tips 🙂

  5. Josie Matthews says:

    Okay…so hysterical story…Mr. M…the romantic guy who thinks he is the funniest man in the world, has been jealous of Christian Grey for months now and he doesnt even know the guy! So my DH took it upon himself to glance at a few chaps to see what he was up against and do a little shopping…(Ive got to get that credit card away from him!) Not only are a pair of red crotchless panties hanging on the bed post as we speak…but he has added a nice little leather riding crop to the vignet!
    Of course when I saw it I ran to look out the back window and yelled over my shoulder to him, ‘Oh honey! You got me a horse!!!’

    50 Shades has managed to be marketed as a typical romance which has introduced many women to the erotica genrewho wouldnt normally pick up and erotic romance novel. Yay for opening women up to a wonderful sensual world of erotic romance! Go get yourself a book and treat your significant other to a night he/she wont forget!
    (Mr. M. oftern comes home with little Barnes and Noble packages of my favorite erotica authors! It’s his version of ‘easy foreplay’!!!)
    Can’t wait for more installments Misty!!!! Love you! (and that cute little midwestern accent!)

    • A riding crop!! Has he used it yet? LOL! And what is it with red lingerie? Guys really do have a thing for red. Big fat kudos to Mr. Matthews on getting so involved – you lucky girl!! Don’t you dare take that credit card away from him!!

      And BTW, I’m not the one with the accent, Ms. NY! 😀

      Love you more.

  6. Now I’m going to have to read that book for sure. I’d love a vicarious thrill. I think crotchless panties would be fun. Again, you girls have wonderful advice.

    • Hey Kylie! Just don’t go into the book with any expectations other than a glimpse into something a little off the beaten path. 🙂 IMHO, it’s not a well-written book and the heroine is pretty flat, but what the hey, if you can get beyond that it’s a fun read. Several people have given me recommendations for better written erotica, so I plan to do a post on that at some point down the road.

      Now, go get yourself some new panties and have fun!! 😉

  7. You gals are awesome. Keep these great posts coming. I love to visit and see what you two are going to do next.

  8. Sarah Okins says:

    All I can say is, HOT! Love it! 🙂

  9. Love your series and when you said, …”if you found yourself enjoying the 50 Shades Trilogy, take heart, you’re a passionate creature. ” For the first time in years, I know what to do for my hubby for Valentine’s Day! LOL

  10. I bought “open panel” panties for the 1st time last weekend. I have never seen a bigger smile on his face. I swear I’m buying stock in the product…LOL

  11. Misty, thank you for the reminder. Where did I put my crotch-less panties? Just last week my (conservative CPA) husband said, “I remember them, what fun.”

  12. Lisa Lobert says:

    I loved reading this. I have been with my husband since I was 20….so 14yrs now. He is so amazing and accepts us having sex less than 12 times a year because I’m not into it. I was raised to think sex was naughty and only to reproduce. He is always up for sex but not me. I think these things will make us fall in love again. I’ve always heard how important sex is in a relationship but I can’t make myself do it even though he is attractive. Hearing about these ideas will help me because I will feel excited. I’m going to try it and pray it works. Plus I’m buying the book….I’ll do whatever it takes. So many thanks to all of you!!

    • Hi Lisa! Bravo for taking the time to read, respond, and try to open your mind to possibility! Sex is a beautiful way to connect with your partner. It also has a wonderful side effect of helping grow one’s sensitivity and self-confidence when it’s with the right person.

      Take your time, enjoy being mindful of what you’re doing, and know that everyone’s sex life is unique. I hope a few of these steps helps get you on your way to enjoying an enhanced sexual life with your husband! Be sure to ask us any questions any time. Between the seven of us, we’re sure to have had some experience with just about anything you can dream up! 😉


  1. […] did Part One go? Did you try any of the suggestions? I hope so. If not, it’s okay, it’s never too late to […]

  2. […] few months ago I came across a blog post here on Chick Swagger titled Realistic Kink for the Girl Next Door. Part 1. I was floored. The invitation to try something new with your partner reminded me of my heroine, […]

  3. […] If you haven’t read Part 1 or Part 2, that’s okay, it isn’t a requirement, but could be fun, and I’m continuing my Game […]

  4. […] folks, for those of you who clicked on this post hoping for Part Four of Misty’s Realistic Kink for the Girl Next Door. The title of this post is actually something a neighbor of mine said to me once. Can you guess the […]

  5. […] We love Misty Deitz.  Here’s her great 3 part advice blog post on realistic kink for the girl next door. […]

  6. […] If you haven’t read Part 1 or Part 2, that’s okay, it isn’t a requirement, but could be fun, and I’m continuing my Game […]

  7. […] If I’m not in the mood, I usually let my man have his wicked way with me anyway. And guess what, almost every time I come around (LOL, listen to me with these double entendres). Maybe this means trying a new position, a new room in your house, buying a new toy, or maybe reading everything tagged SEX on our website! (Here’s where I shamelessly plug my Realistic Kink for the Girl Next Door posts.) […]

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