Well then, it’s time to lay aside your need for order because this week we’re getting a little messy and a lot wet!
Are ya ready? Fire those engines!
KINKY GAME PLAN 4: WET, WHITE T-SHIRT.
I’ll admit, this one is harder to accomplish as your kids get older and their bedtimes aren’t much different than yours. But try to sneak it in, here’s how:
If you don’t already have one, go shopping for a basic white tee. No, scratch that. Even if you already have one, go get a new one. Buy this one with sex in mind (remember KGP1?). Keep it as simple and unadorned as possible. (Once you get wet, you’ll remember why.) Again, this is foreplay and your man hasn’t even laid a hand on you yet!
Pick a night when you aren’t so terribly rushed and tell your man to go take a shower. That you have a little surprise for him. He’ll be thinking you’re going to “set a scene” in the bedroom, but actually…
Tell him not to rush because you’ll make it extra special if he spends more time “cleaning up.” Yeah, you know the rest. His stunned grin when you join him in the steamy shower wearing nothing but the white t-shirt will be…
And trust me, there is something goddess-inspiring about seeing your nipples veiled by a wet white t-shirt, ladies. Women’s bodies are HOT!
And here’s the thing, even if you don’t think you have the greatest girls in the world (you think they’re too small, too saggy, too whatever), the t-shirt somehow makes’em look sexier. Or maybe it’s not the t-shirt, maybe it’s just the brash, playful nature of the gesture that’s sexy. Whatever.
If you’re thinking negative thoughts about yourself, shut that shit off.
Again, kink for everyday girls like us works best when we have faith in ourselves and in our men.
Example: Bring a candle into the room, turn the lights off, and make a show of bending over the sink as you brush your teeth so he gets a little peek-a-boo. Then put a leg up on the counter (make sure he doesn’t see your whole front yard no matter how nicely you’re landscaped) and slowly lave lotion on your legs.
Who the hell cares that it’ll wash down the drain a minute later when you step into the shower to join a goofy-grinned but oh-so-happy man? Depending on your comfort level, while you’re giving a little pre-game show, you could also lightly run your hands…wherever they want to be.
Finally, once you’re in the shower…let the moment guide you. If you’re in there for the duration or only for heavy petting with the party spilling onto the bathroom floor or into your bedroom, it doesn’t matter. The experience is erotic either way.
…(wondering if any of those guys are cold)…
…(chewing my nails)…
…(looking at all my split ends. WTF color is my real hair again?)…
…(wondering if if the guy in the pool is wearing Dockers or Levis)…
…(calculating how much longer until lunch)…
Oh, you’re back?
Fucking finally! Better?
Alrighty then, on to…
KINKY GAME PLAN 5: BRING FOOD INTO THE BEDROOM
My picture should give you the general idea. No, I’m not saying spray the whipped cream on his business and top it with berries (though you certainly can if you want to. I won’t judge. Laughter is always good in bed. Except when it’s not.).
What I am saying is enjoy and experiment with food in the bedroom.
Really concentrate on making it a “sensual” experience. Take turns blind-folding each other and then…Smell. Touch. Taste. Listen.
I don’t have to elaborate much here, right? I don’t want to insult the creative imaginations of chicks with swagger like y’all. If you’re freaking out about chocolate syrup on the sheets, though,
buy dark sheets the next time dammit go ahead and layer a few towels. It’s really not a big deal.
What types of foods have you enjoyed in the bedroom? What about doin’ it wet? Any other slippery ideas you care to share? Do you want more realistic kink ideas? Let me know what you think!