Ten Things You Need to Do for Yourself!


Hey Gang!  Josie in da’ house!  (disco ball…rock-star music…hands in the air….you get it!)  Giggle, giggle…

Anyway, today I decided to sit down and think about ten things we should all try to accomplish in the next year to improve our Swaggerness…to deepen our character and to increase our confidence.  

You in?  You’d better be!  Cause what could be more important than trying to become a better person by stretching out those boundaries?  You and those around you will only benefit from this little exercise.

As women we are consistently put in ‘get it done for others’ mode.  Our priority list usually puts ‘US’ way at the bottom after sig. other, kids, work, family, community, dog, hamster… RIGHT?

But what happens when we allow this?  We become tired, single-dimensional, stuck-in-a-rut robots.  DANGER. DANGER Will Robinson!

Instead we NEED to work to become energetic, multi-dimensional, fun-loving goddesses. We need to do this for ourselves and our families. (especially those little sponge children who learn so much from watching how we live our life.)  So let’s start living!  Let’s start growing and let’s start adding dimension to that gal called YOU!

Here’s your assignment…if you choose to accept it! In the next year:

1.  Give up a grudge.  Just one.  This will lighten up your heart to let a little good stuff in.  Grudges weigh you down. That old adage Forgive AND Forget is a little off if you ask me.  We can CHOOSE to forgive, but in most things, we can never completely forget.  So just focus on the Forgive.  

I’m giving up the grudge I have against my dad.  He wasn’t very interested in my sister and I when we were young…being girls and all. So we missed out on all that ‘Daddy’s little girl’ stuff.  I think I’ve carried that ‘Woe is me.’ around long enough don’t you?  He is who he is and I love the old coot dearly.  Grudge B Gone!!!!  Poof!

 2. Take your significant other to a motel for the night. (SHHH…make it a surprise!  And don’t forget the toys!!!)  Start the night off with a picnic in the bed, wine, cheese and crackers, sexy little outfit…then get to know each other a little better by taking this sexy quiz together! You’ll be shocked by what you didn’t know about your lover!  And BE HONEST!

             a.     What is your biggest turn on when it comes to women/men? 

             b.     What is your ultimate sexual fantasy? Describe it step by step

             c.      How many sexual partners have you had?

             d.    Have you ever had a one night stand?  When, where…

             e.    If you could pick out my clothes for a sexy romantic night out, what would you dress me in?

             f.     What’s your favorite:  Making slow romantic love?  or hard-core wild sex?

             e.    Where is the strangest place you every had sex?

             f.     If you could have sex with any celebrity in the world (because I didn’t exist of course…) who would you pick?

Did this, rocked it…had wild sex with the new guy I had just met!  Well, I’ve been married to him for 21 years, but he felt like a new guy cause I found out he had sex with a girl when he was in college right on a public bar stool!  WOW…how sexy is that?  No one could see cause she had a dress on.  HOLY F%#&…I never knew he was such an alpha-take-charge-wild-bad-boy!!!!!  

             If you’re single…GO OUT ON A DATE!  I don’t care if it’s a dating site…a singles event…something safe, but somewhere that you can meet other singles.  Stop being afraid…you don’t have to marry the guy (or girl)!!!!!  Just meet people and make friends!  And if you’re brave…find a bad-boy!  They are so much fun….

3.  Buy an outfit that is TOTALLY YOU – face it…we always are a bit conservative when we shop for clothes…we buy what we hope people will like on us.  Do you ever go out of your ‘will others approve’ comfort zone and dress exactly the way that expresses the real you?  Do you want to be all classic chic and look like Jackie O?  Or do you want to one day go completely Bo-Ho?  How about super sexy on a date with the sig-other?  I know I’m petrified to dress sexy.  I’m the worst at it.  I feel like if my cleavage shows that I’m a little hussy or something. What is that?  What’s wrong with my cleavage?  Super glam?  No freakin’ way!  Don’t get me wrong…I’d love to but I’m too chicken thinking people will LOOK at me.  (did I say WTF?)

I’m all over this…in my heart I’m a total hippy/glam/bo-ho…but I dress like a tomboy ALL the time;  jeans, converse all-stars, and T-shirts (only solid colors!) WTF!  I’m gettin’ me a fancy dress, funky jewelry and some kick-ass shoes.  Pics?  You got it!!! Before AND After! 

4.  Eat out alone –  Just once, dress up, take a book, some money and go to a restaurant and sit there alone and have a nice relaxing drink and a meal.  You wouldn’t believe how cathartic it can be.  Now, I’m not talking a diner or some chain place.  A nice restaurant with a nice bar and fun people to watch.  Just do it!  A majority of women wouldn’t be able to do this…but I know you can!  Think of all the good book fodder you might gather by just people watching!

5. KARAOKE! – I’m in!  Never did it an soooooooo want to!  Get a group of friends, have a few drinks and spread your swagger.  Get up on that stage and be a ham, be yourself, be who you feel like being!  

My friend has a bar where they have Karaoke on Thurs nights….Im going and I’m takin’ pics for y’all!

6.  Volunteer – Face it.  We all admire those who do, we all say, yeah someday I’m gonna….but have you actually DONE IT?  I make my kids do  it…It’s time for me to get my ass out there and practice what I preach. Pick a community service or event that you could volunteer a few hours at.  Nursing home, soup kitchen, homeless shelter, food pantry, fund-raising event…Think of the new contacts and characters you might meet. 

I’m picking my local soup kitchen…my son did it and he said it’s an eye-opening experience.  Do you even realize how many homeless and foodless people there are in your own hometown?

7. Host a happy hour and invite people who you don’t usually socialize with – how often do we gut stuck in the ‘friend’ rut.  Do you continually keep your ‘safe’ friends and acquaintances near?  Well step out of that comfort zone and meet some new friends! Invite old and new for a mixer! A few hours, some wine, beer, horsDhorves (MISTY! spelling? Misty here: LMAO hors doeuvres –what a stupid word, right?) is all you need.  Hey…ya never know…think about what you might learn….  Make it a LBD affair (little black dress) and let everyone have fun getting dolled up for a change!

8. Change your hairstyle – Yes….I said it…Get rid of that tired old style everybody is used to seeing you in and try something new…go shorter, more layered, a different color, some highlights, extensions, bangs…anything!  You’d be SHOCKED at how fun that is!  Afraid of what people might say?  Who the f$%* cares!  You are doing these things for YOU.  And hair always grows back and can always be re-colore…You’ll feel like a new person. Go for it!!!!! 


9. Take a short vacation – to a place you have always wanted to visit. Doesn’t have to be far…just go!  Stop saying …someday…  Spending even one day away from home…just being…is refreshing and inspiring.  It opens your mind and clears your head from that never-ending to-do list that stares you in the face when you are at home.  GET AWAY…even going alone would be an awesome self-awareness exercise.  A nice bed and breakfast at a quaint town a few hours away?  Catch a show, eat out, attend a concert…I’m in!!!!

I love heading to NYC for the day.  I’m lucky…it’s close and I feel like I’m a whole different person in a whole different world when I’m there.  I love the people and the energy and the culture.  It’s amazing…I love making conversation with all the  people I meet at the stores and restaurants and waiting in line.  It’s amazing the stories you hear when you actually talk to strangers!  My ultimate goal is to check out New Orleans…Anyone wanna meet me there someday? 

10. Buy a Vibrator – okay…so you’ve heard it from us before…well YOU’RE HEARIN’ IT AGAIN!!!  Go…buy it…use it…become one with your body.   If you’re single:  Yeehaw!!  If you have a sig other: How can you tell him what you like if you don’t experiment on your own?  Oh…you don’t ever tell him what you like?  Afraid?   ——->

#11. Tell your sig-other 3 places he needs to touch you and how he needs to touch you there to turn you on!!!!!

See how happy Mr. M. looks?

So, my wonderful ChickSwagger friends, are you up for the challenge of being all you can be?  Can you do these 10, no 11, things in one year?  What are your ideas for these suggestions?  How can expanding YOUR horizons make you a better wife, lover, mother, friend, employee… ?    

Can’t wait to hear from you!  I’m off to Saratoga for a baseball tournament for the next few days so if you don’t hear from me it’s because they didn’t have WI-FI!!!  I’ll be back online over the weekend!  

Remember…We love you just the way you are….unless of course you’re up for a change! 

From our dear friend and reader Morgan Wyatt from ‘SHARE YOUR CHICKSWAGGER’:

Well-behaved women seldom make history” 
Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

 Love, J 




    • Josie Matthews says:

      In on the trip to New Orleans? In on the Karaoke? Or in on the SEX ON THE BARSTOOL?!!! I thought hubby was gonna kill me when he saw that I posted that today!!! GOD…Im sooo inappriopriate! He laughed though…Phew!

      • New Orleans – yes. Karaoke – yes. Sex on a barstool…OMG. Only in private. The thought of being *that* public doesn’t do anything for me. Some risk of being found out is fun, but that’s a bit much for me. One time my man and I did it on the pull out couch in the living room at a friend’s house. LOL.

  2. Double HELLLLLLSSSSS YYYEEESSS!!!! I’m so in!!

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Atta girl Jodi! I’m gonna change my haristyle right now! Im gonna color those gosh-darned grey roots that are just killing me!!! Then Im gonna go git’ me one of them there bustiers! Yeeee Hawww!!! Keep us posted on your progress. Fun, humiliating, character building photos area absolutely recommended.

      • “Fun, humiliating, character building photos area absolutely recommended.”

        OMG–I’m creating a new page for these before/after photos!! Stay tuned…and get those digital cameras going people!! 😀

  3. Mary Roya says:

    What if you don’t remember how many sex partners you had? After all I’m old….and been married my hunk for 21 years. Why do I want to remember the looser(s) that miss out on a great woman…me. Sex on barstool?….Really? I’ve been thinking of changing my hair. Cut off my shoulder length silver/gray hair and color it. But then I remember the hassle of keeping colored. Vibrators – woo hoo! They are fun….check out this on ‘Adam & Eve’ – Liberator Bon Bon or the very expenses Sybian. No I don’t have one…yet. Bahahaha! That BDSM class really opened my eyes to lots of adult fun. Hubby and I have talk about our turn ons. It was amazing. I really have a great guy. We have taken min vacations and they are great for getting close. Tried the party once and no one showed up. Misty, you’re right…I am Mabel. Too funny!!! Great Blog!! And it was fun.

    • You totally inspire me, Mary…or should I say, Mabel…! LOL Your hubby’s a very lucky man. 😀

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Youre the best! I can’t wait! I’ve always wanted a pic page!!!

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Mary! I just love you to death! You crack me up. Youre right….forget the losers!!! Focus on the main man…It was just interesting to me to see that my hubby had a ‘past’ that I never realized! It somehow made him a bit more ‘layered’ when I found at that I wasnt his first like I thought!! Go figure! I would NEVER want the specifics though.
      As far as the barstool thing? Lets keep in perspective gals that ‘sex’ to a 19 year old guy could mean lots of things…He probably imagined it!!!!
      You are so freaking courageous! BDSM class? When? Where? And the vibrator list….Im getting out my credit card right now!
      I wouldve definitely come to your party…New Orleans someday? You in?

      • Mary Roya says:

        Josie, you bet! New Orleans is a fun city. Dr. Charley Ferrer offers a Beginners BDSM class online. No hands on…Sorry. She has her own website, look her.

  4. Love the surprise night in a motel!

  5. Great suggestions, Renee.

    • Um…Ana? Where’s Renee? Is she around her somewhere? Haha, just teasin’, I know you meant Josie. Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to join us! 🙂

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Hey Anna! I take it as a comment to be called Renee anytime! Is Westfield around here somewhere???? I’d take him to my motel night!
      I’d also bring some of your great homegrown delicacies!!! I only wish I lived closer to you!!!!
      If you had to pick one of my ‘growth’ suggestions…which would it be?
      Love U! J

  6. I’ll give it a try too, sister……

    • Josie Matthews says:

      I’m keeping my eye on you Jenny!!!! You and me are in for Karaoke at Vicki’s…bring that camera my awesome photographer friend!!!
      No sex on a barstool for you? Me either….
      Love you!!!!!!

  7. Josie Matthews says:

    Okay gals…As far as the barstool thing? Lets keep in perspective that ‘sex’ to a 19 year old guy could mean lots of things…He probably imagined it!!!!
    I just thought it was interesting that my sweet straight-laced husband had a wild man past!!!!
    (or at least he thinks he did!)

  8. Read the title to this post and thought, Yes, I am so ahead of this. The past three weeks I have put me first, and that meant my days belonged to my manuscript. My writing career is for me, and the kids, the garden, the hubster, the housework… everything else came after I fulfilled my promise to self to do what is important for me.

    And then I read this list. Oh, yeah, I am soooo a grandma.

    This afternoon I’m meeting a gal pal for lattes. I’m gonna leave the practical sneakers at home dress in heels because I want to. Colour me inspired.

    • SWEETNESS!! You go, giiiiiirl!! I’m so impressed about you putting your ms up top. That’s aces, Sherry! And you go rock those heels. 🙂

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Sherry, way to go girl! You wear those heels! Putting your MS first is an awesome way to start building the new you. Just because we as women set time aside for us doesnt mean others in our lives are any less important. When you make progress on your MS each day….dont you have a better day? Arent you better at loving those around you because you fullfilled something in yourself? You inspire me girlfriend! I’ve been ignoring my 2 MSs for too long now and I NEED to dive in and make progress! I’ll wear my heels for you!!!!
      love j

  9. I love this because I just became a widow the end of Nov 2011. I have plans for 2013. This year is survival and learning to let go so to speak. But I have plans for 2013 and 2014. Plans that would not have worked with the way my husband’s health was before I lost him. Now it is just me, my cat ran away from home-she got out got lost never found. I thought you know I miss the cat and would love to have another but IF I am going to Atlanta, Savannah and Orlando like I want next year I have to find someone to keep her for me while I’m gone or try and find a way to take her with me. Some cats travel I never had one that traveled well.

    • My cats (when I had them) never travelled well either. They would do this strange deep-throated yowl like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. LOL. From your blog and other conversations we’ve had, I know it’s been a hell of a year for you. I admire your courage to keep moving forward and embrace life. Go travel…the cat thing will work out. Where there’s a will, there’s definitely a way! 🙂 (((hugs)))

    • Josie Matthews says:

      C.K., First of all, my love is with you! Take this year to just BE. On the heels of caring for your hubby I’m sure there is alot of ‘just being’ time for you to catch up on . Take a breath. Next year set small goals for yourself and try to make them happen. I love my cat! So I feel your dilemma. You could try to find a pet sitter or even a highschool kid that might be willing to watch over your kitty while you travel. Cats are very independent. I want you to go buy a snazzy little outfit for yourself and have a little fun this year. Get to know the real C.K. I’m bettin’ she’s awesome!!! Savannah is on my travel list too!
      Chick Swagger love comin’ at ya! J

  10. Hi Misty and all, love the healthy ideas here. Okay, for “2. Take your significant other” I had you-know-what with someone I met playing tennis on our second date. He was just so cute and funny. We kept dating and have been married since 1984. Gerry Rowland makes me feel hot! Give it up for the sensitive guys!!

    • Yessiree, I need chickswagger and love it here. The comment above was mine, and I was thinking about my dog when I typed his name, ha ha. One thing I want to do is stop worrying about reviews. Some people will get into our stories and others won’t. Something my husband Gerry says, “There are more asses than horses.” As I said, he’s cute.


  1. […] about some free time.)  Last week I saw a post by Josie Matthews over at Chick Swagger called Ten Things You Need to Do for Yourself!, and as a result, I am trying to recommit to myself and my life.  The following is an edited […]

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