How to Bring Out the Inner Alpha in Your Man

Men should read paranormal romance. I recently read a fabulous article on this very topic. My first reaction? What a great thought. My second? Never. Going. To. Happen.

Yep, it’s totally unfair, but as wonderful as paranormal romances are (and believe me I know, because I’m addicted to them), my hubby will never, ever read one. He’d rather have all of his teeth pulled out. One by one.

But ladies, there’s hope. Your man might not read the books, but he can still benefit from the lessons.

Why, you might ask, do I want my man to hone in on his inner Alpha? What is so great about Alpha males anyway? Well, they’re BIG family men, 100% committed to their woman. They’d rather die (or tear their enemy to pieces) than see any harm come to their woman. And…they’re passionate *wink wink* Need I say more?

So what can we do to help cultivate these wonderful qualities? Okay, so right now you’re thinking… Rachael, seriously, you want me to do MORE work? My relationship is fine, and I have too many other things on my plate.

That’s the beauty of this. We’re actually talking about LESS work.

Here are five simple ways to nourish your man’s inner Alpha:

1. Let him open the pickle jar. You know six ways, other than brute strength, to open a pickle jar? Great! But when your man’s around, let him do it for you. He’s got the muscles, let him use them! This is definitely the case where you’d let your Alpha male rip your enemy’s throat out. Yes, and a pickle jar sure might not be an enemy, but they still annoy me.

Okay, so maybe my hubby has to wrestle pots of hot water and pickle jars out of my hands, but I do occasionally give in, because I know it’s his way of showing me he cares.

And see, less work for you.

2. The door, a.k.a. the chivalry option. When my DH and I were dating, I had him trained. Didn’t have to open a single door. Then along came baby #1, and our life changed to “Honey, you grab the car seat, I’ll get the diaper bag, and then we’ll unload everything, hopefully before baby wakes.”

I have a hard time sitting still and letting someone else do something for me that I can easily do myself, BUT, being taken care of is one of life’s simple pleasures that we should remind ourselves to indulge in.

Even when life butts in with babies and groceries.

Our chivalry compromise? When we have our date nights, the rules of the door still apply.

3. Catch him in the act. Hey, get your head out of the gutter! (at least for a minute…) Not that act.

I’m talking about…“Honey, thank you so much for folding the laundry tonight.” Use words, or better—actions—to reward him for helping around the house.

Remember when I said Alpha males are passionate? For a guy, it’s a really simple equation he’s not going to forget: folding laundry + sex = want to fold laundry again.

Hey, it worked for Pavlov. And I may or may not have performed this experiment at home. Not telling. Seriously.

But if anyone’s man starts getting frisky at the sight of fresh laundry, do let me know.

Ta da! Less work!

4. Show him you need him by letting him take the lead.

Okay, so everyone’s probably experienced the Cave Man Syndrome, otherwise known as the downside of Alpha males. The pig-headed stubbornness, the grunting instead of answering with real words, etc.

But there can be an upside to the male brain

(I know, I’m shocked too). Alpha males are natural problem solvers, natural doers. They like to be in charge (even if you and I know they’re really not), and they like to be needed (don’t we all?).

Hey ladies, there’s a reason why men were the hunters, the leaders in dance. It’s basic physiology. They’re our protectors. And we’re not talking women’s rights here.

We don’t need them… but it’s okay to want them.

Show him a little vulnerability, and that you trust him. Even try a little submission role-playing in bed (oops, where’d that come from?).

My point is *ahem*, when he plays the part of the gentleman, you get to feel like a lady, and you’ll both feel special.

5. Be the heroine. Okay, so I lied. There is some work involved. But relationships are two-way streets, right?

Alpha males don’t fall for just anyone. In fact, they’re notorious for not falling until that special woman challenges them in a way no one else ever has. It’s as much the heroine’s flaws as her virtues that capture his interest. Her outspoken tongue that contradicts him when no one else is brave enough to do so. The way she snorts when she laughs.

Every heroine has a quality that’s admirable. What made your man fall for you?

Sweet! Now, be the woman he fell in love with.

It only takes a few minutes for your brain to decide whether you’re attracted to someone (no, I didn’t make that up, I learned it in a workshop), and chances are, your man still remembers what first attracted him to you. Ask him and maybe you’ll both find a way to re-light that spark.

Step on in and get your hands dirty. Or get a manicure. Whatever your man likes.

What have we learned? Don’t repress that Alpha male gene. It’s okay for us as women to acknowledge that we can’t, and shouldn’t, pile everything onto our own plates. And… a little role differentiation can make the world a happier place. Or at least your home. Or maybe not. You decide!

And if you ever do catch your man reading a romance novel, don’t laugh. Jump into bed and join him!

Well, ladies? Time to cough up your tricks for getting your man to do what you want. What’s one Alpha male behavior in your man’s repertoire? What’s one you’d like to add?

Disclaimer: Bouts of surliness and extreme jealousy may accompany Alpha male behavior. ←Yeah, but it’s totally worth it!



  1. Thank you for sharing… A really entertaining read 🙂

  2. Great post Rachael! My husband doesn’t read romance either. It’s up there with opera and ballet in his list of must dos. But at least I can convince him to watch the occasional chic flick. And he’s always happy after because romance generates my libido. Perhaps that’s why he’s always buying me Amazon gift cards. Would I want my husband to act like the alpha males I read about in books. Nope. No way. But I like your take on it. What alpha behavior would I like him to add? Sorry, can’t post that here. *grin*

    • Hey girl, if he’s buying you Amazon cards so you can read romance novels and *get in the mood*, he’s already trained! He’s figured out the Pavlov connection and he’s using it to both of your advantages. I say great job to you 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

  3. Hi Rachael,
    Great blog. I think men want to be more alpha, but are afraid.

    My husband does read what I write. He usually asks me if women really like the hero to say certain things and act in a certain way, when I assure him they do, a gleam comes into his eyes.

    I also let him open doors for me. I usually let him drive, not because I can’t, but it lets him to be in control. It also cuts down on the conversations I have with the other drivers. LOL

    • Hi Morgan. That’s awesome that your husband reads your writing. It’s always great to get a guy’s opinion. My husband doesn’t usually read what I write, but he LOVES that I read/write romance, if you know what I mean!

      And good for you about letting him open doors and whatnot. Like Misty’s post a couple of weeks ago, it’s great to see that chivalry isn’t dead 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!

  4. Haha, this is such a fun, interesting post! For the last half year or so my hubby and I have this ongoing joke about how “useful” he is to me. I always seek him out and let him do anything that requires “brawn.” In my way of thinking, it doesn’t diminish my “power” at all. Quite the opposite as I’m making the decision to use his strength to my advantage. 🙂 This fun game continues in the bedroom where it’s the most rewarding of all. We think it’s a win-win. Thank God for testosterone!!

    • I totally agree, Misty! I think men secretly love it when we acknowledge, as your said, their *brawn*. I love your game of usefulness, not only because it’s fun, but because under the surface, what you’re really doing is acknowledging and appreciating each other. That’s what healthy relationships are all about, right? And if it translates into the bedroom, well… 😉

  5. marsharwest says:

    Hey, Rachel. Interesting take on this subject. My husband started reading romance novels when I went back to them after many years of only reading on work related topics. When I started writing he got me the Dummies for Romance Writers (a great intro to this business). Linda Howard wrote the intro, and he knew she was one of my favorite authors, one who writes really good sex scenes. 🙂 Hubby is an awesome provider–very Alpha Male–, opens doors, and washes clothes. Not to mention he was a great father. I do believe I have the best of all worlds.

  6. Oh, the funny things we do! There are many things i CAN do, but don’t for the very reason you’ve suggested – it makes him feel useful. ha,ha – I wonder if that goes both ways? I’ll have to think about what he always has me do……

    • Hi Kylie. It most definitely does go both ways. Now you’ve got my head spinning about the last time my husband asked me to do something for him… 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!

  7. This was a really fun read. Thanks.

  8. I enjoyed the blog. What I do to get my alpha male to do what I want….easy I ask him. He’ll sigh and make a big production of whatever I ask him to do. But he loves me and most of the time he really doesn’t care. Thanks for letting me share.

    • Hi Mary! Thanks for sharing! That’s great that your man does what you ask. And yeah, sometimes what you called the “big production” is a side effect of Alpha male behavior. *sigh* But you still got what you wanted, right? 😉

  9. Funny and it’s all TRUE. Women have forgotten how to allow their man to retain their ‘macho’. Great job!

    • Hey Pat! Thanks for your thoughts, and I’m glad so many women here agree! I definitely think there’s a balance needed, and it’s up to us women to help our guys achieve it 🙂

  10. DH travels–LOTS– so it’s a challenge to have him do things for me. Our flip side? He appreciates my independence. But, oh, how I do love it when he’s at home, able to come with me to the grocery store, push the cart, and haul the bags. Makes my little ole heart go boom boom boom.

    • Hi Sherry. Thanks for sharing. It’s great to hear that while you may not get to spend much time together, you really know how to make the most of what you do have. And how can you not love a man who still makes his woman’s heart pound? 😉


  1. […] How to Bring Out the Inner Alpha in Your Man […]

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