Roses are Red, Bruises are Blue…

warSo, you think St. Valentine’s Day is all about love and flowers and candy?. Think again! Those Romans in the early days had a bit of a sadomasochist view when it came to romance…

“Imagine half-naked men running through the streets, whipping young women with bloodied thongs made from freshly cut goat skins. Although it might sound like some sort of perverted sadomasochistic ritual, this is what the Romans did until A.D. 496.


Mid-February was Lupercalia (Wolf Festival) time. Celebrated on Feb. 15 at the foot of the Palatine Hill beside the cave where, according to tradition, the she-wolf had suckled Romulus and Remus, the festival was essentially a purification and fertility rite.

Directed by the Luperci, or “brothers of the wolf,” the festival began with the sacrifice of two male goats and a dog, their blood smeared on the faces of Luperci initiates and then wiped off with wool dipped in milk.

As thongs were cut from the sacrificed goats, the initiates would run around in the streets flagellating women to promote fertility.”

Sexy, huh? So very Alpha if you ask me. But have we really come that far? handcuff

Valentine’s Day should really be called Claudius II Day since during his rule, three martyrd saints were beaten and beheaded for acts of love and devotion, three of whom were all named Valentine.

Hence, St. Valentine – the patron saint of lovers.

Flash forward 1000 years and wa-la! Thanks to poets like Chaucer and the uber-romantic Duke Charles of Orleans who wrote the oldest exising Valentine in history to his wife just before she died (“I’m already sick with love, My very gentle Valentine), Valentine’s Day is now not so much about beating and flagellating and beheading, but all about the Looooooove…

So how do we spread love on one assigned day when we have been trying to spread it all year? At least we think we’ve been sharin’ the love all year….have we? Have I told him why I love him? Have I told her why she is special? Have I said how proud I am of what he did? Did I take time to really listen, and really respond?

Shit…why the hell does life have to get in the way and make me so complacent? Well…this is your chance to make it all up to your love, the one day we are reminded to show them our love and devotion.

youloveIn case you’re single, why not make it up to yourself! Be your own Valentine and remind yourself of all your wonderful qualities, strengths, weaknesses that you’ve been improving. Give yourself that special day at the spa, try a new haircut, get some hot new nails, buy yourself that book you’ve always wanted – You Deserve It!

Time to think outside the box for your loved one this year! ChickSwagger Style!

video– Send your love a sexy video of you telling him/her specifically what you love about them.

– Make your love a piece of art; buy a 12″x12″stretched canvas (WalMart!) and use collageModPodge glue and sealer to create a collage of personal pics and objects from magazines that represent your love!

– Hit up LoveBooks online for The Quiz Book for Couples (fun quizzes to really get ot know your lover), Lets Get Naked (fun sensual games for you and your lover) or 100 Different Ways to Spend Time Together (nifty ideas to keep the romance alive!)

love_note_jar_1– Make a jar filled little notes of all the reasons your mate is perfect for you. Have them pull out a note each morning!

– The gift of time: sign up for a class together, something that puts you both in a newcook environment, a chance to see your partner in a different light: Dance lessons, cooking lessons, an art class.

– Find a great photographer in your area and have some portraits taken of the two ofย you. My great friend Tamme Stitt at does georgeous Budoir session that are fun, sexy and produce beautiful photos.

tammegoddessTamme also hosts Goddess Girl Sessions which are a full day of pampering: hair/makeup and clothing makeovers plus a luscious massage by her wife Christene Spezio and a full photo session at the most beautiful locations in the hudson valley. She does Beautiful Me session for young girls to help build self-esteem. (see why I have such a girl crush on them?)


Then there are always the basic standby’s: Dinner, Renee’s Romantic movie in the nude, Misty’s Sex Position Party, Rachael’s Erogoneous Exploration, Angela’s Merkin Mystery and I’m suprising Mr. M with my very first brazillian! (I’ll post next time on my experience!)…(I wonder if a fifty-year-old naked ‘hooha’ looks the same as a twenty-year-old one?…Eeeeek!)

But enought about gifts…Let’s ponder LOVE.

Do you believe in Soul Mates?

Should one look for love or wait for love?

Is love generated from the heart…or from the mind?

Can one who is hurt by love, truly forgive if one cannot forget? Is love everlasting?

Hit us up with your philosophy on love. And more original Valentine’s Day ideas!

With Much Love!!!! Josie



  1. Josie, I love the idea of a personalized Love Book! I did one of those “message jars” back in the day when I was dating DH. He must’ve liked it because he still has it. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Tamme does phenomenal work. Anyone who wants to have a session like that could easily show some of her work to a local photographer, and I’m sure they could recreate some of those stunning settings.

    Do I believe in soul mates? I really do, but not in a totally exclusive way because I believe you can share this with someone who isn’t your life partner, too. To me it means intrinsically understanding someone without really having to work at it. Knowing who they are down deep when there are no walls, no artificial social facades. David just “gets me” in a way no one else really ever has. Knows my motivations, my fears, my dreams, and my skeletons. And it’s a damn relief. I get him, too.

    My girlfriend Amy is a soul sister in this way, too.

    Look for love or wait for it? Hmm, that’s a hard one. On one hand, when you’re looking really hard for it, you can settle. But I don’t believe in sitting around and waiting for the things I desire either… I guess, put your authentic self out there. If something is meant to be, you’ll attract it. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Love the post, sweetheart! Will you be my Valentine? xoxo

    • Josie Matthews says:

      I WILL be your Valentine! I’m not sure If I believe in soul mates…that would mean one true love for every person and I think you can love many people, in many different ways. Every relationship is different…
      It IS a relief when you have someone you can totally be yourself with! Phew…how exhausting it would be to have to be ON all the time!
      Stay Warm and have a chocolate heart for me! (Damn $^&^(@&$# diet!)

  2. Oh, I love the jar idea! I’m going to have to do that. My husband and I have been with each other since we were teens. So I definitely was not looking for love at that age. We just clicked, and still do. Does that mean we are soul mates? Hmm, I’m not sure. But I know I wouldn’t wish to be with anyone else.

    • Josie Matthews says:

      That’s so sweet Renee! Wow! Only one love your whole life…How special!!! I’ve had many, but they all prepared me for the perfect one! I needed some fixin’ up before he chose me!
      Valentine love coming your way!

      • Oh, I still need some fixin’ up, but that’s the great part when you find someone who accepts you…flaws and all. And who’s perfect? I don’t know anyone that is. We all have are quirks and foibles.

  3. With this post stuck in my mind, I will never look at a Valentine Heart/Box of Chocolates the same way again (smile).

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Thank God we progressed Angela!!! I mean come on! They could have at least tied the women up to trees THEN whipped them with the goat flesh….Sheesh!
      Its amazing when you research how primitive things were for humans centuries ago. If we went back in time we could never hack it. I can’t even imagine life without my TV or my Nook!!!
      Thanks for stopping by! Love J

  4. Josie, the ideas here are just wonderful. I’ll put them in my pocket and hold on to them for when I find someone to use them. I’m hopeful I will. Great post. Yes, 50 is sexy. Its all about the attitude.

  5. Hey Josie, thanks for the history lesson. I LOVE history (oops, is my nerdy side showing? *sigh* it’s a genetic defect, you know. My brother suffers from a PhD in Classics). But on to love. Yes, I believe in soul mates. But you gotta wait for it, and be ready for it. For me, it happened the moment I decided I was cool enough on my own *just kidding* And Renee, that is so super-cute I just want to squeeze you both! I’m always a bit sad reading YA romance, cause I wonder… “Will this last when they’re older?” And it’s so nice to hear that it CAN! Good luck with Mr. M’s present, Josie. Can’t wait to read that post! LOL

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Rach, Just got back from my …. ahemm…and all I can say until my post is Meeeoooowwwwch! And regarding our girl Renee and her high school love? I think love is felt the strongest during the teen years. Those loves are the fiercest and I can’t decide if its because its new or because as we age we become jaded so love is not so acute….Ahhhhh….teen love…..

  6. Emily Allen says:


    You have some great idea’s here. It make’s me wish I had a special someone. Love to hear about your first brazillian! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Emily, You do have someone special …. YOU! You treat yourself girl to a special day next week…Sometimes I think the most important thing about finding love is looking beyond the surface…You never know what shell your ‘soul mate’ is walking around in. Don’t pass up any chance to get to know somone better….
      Just got back from the brazilian! What a hoooot! Cant wait to tell you guys all about it in my next post!
      Love J!

  7. I’m just wondering what those Romans would say when I started smacking them back. Maybe tied one to a bed somewhere… Oh, a little off-track. I can’t say much about love. Still looking or waiting (you really need a combo of both, I think). I do agree that there are many different ways to love, so it follows you could have more than one soul mate, maybe even at the same time. People are complex. Our needs are complex and individual. What works for one person may not work for another. I’m a one person at a time kind of woman, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with someone who finds happiness in two partners who together meet all needs. Who knows? I’m open-minded as long as no one’s getting hurt.

    BTW, Josie, these are fantastic ideas, and even better, very customizable to make it personal. Love, love, love! And Eva Langoria swears by the Brazilian, the kind of gift that gifts both of you, lol! *sends virtual chocolates*

    • Josie Matthews says:

      Ang, I can picture me and you kicking some Roman ass….unless they were hot and hunky of course. (so pitiful of me I know!) Im sooooo hearing you on the soul mate thing…I love so many different people for so many different reasons…I’d like to think if anything happened to me MR. M could go on and meet an awesome woman(like you!) and live a full happy life. Hey…how come nobody is answering the Can you forgive and forget questions? I’ve always pondered that about infidelity…Never had to deal with it (thank god) but it must be so difficult when it happens in a marriage. Maybe Ill save that for a whole ‘nother blog…..hmmmmmm
      chocolate kisses back at ya!

  8. Josie, I got my first Brazilian at 62. And I loved it. The first it didn’t hurt. And the 2nd time was easy. The 3rd time, ouch. I didn’t use their products so it hurt a bit. Lesson learned. Tee hee.
    I do believe in soul mates. But I don’t always believe that your soul mate is your spouse. Sometime it’s a friend.

    When I was single I searched for love. I joined a single’s club video dating. Never got one date, and it cost me money. Then I did personal ads got a bunch of dates, but no repeats. Then there was church….at the singles meeting not one single guy showed up. Finally, I join (reasonable cost) local singles club there I got dates, but nothing serious. Geez, But I did finally meet my guy.

    I do believe love, real true love is ever lasting. I do know that a person can be hurt by love or what they think is love. You don’t necessary need to forget how your were hurt, but you do need to let it go. To hold on to the hurt will stifle any future love.

    Those Romans were a wild and crazy bunch….glad I wasn’t around then.

    • So where did you meet your man? You never mentioned!
      Its got to be so hard for singles…especially after your 20’s…to meet nice single people.
      And your right about hurt. I believe pain, in any form, is YOU learning…
      And the brazilian? One of the best thing I ever did for myself! Now get back to the right products and stop hurtin’ yourself!!!
      Thanks for always sharing with us! Love, Josie.

      • Ok, you asked for it. My best friend introduced me to him when he got out of the Navy. But he wasn’t interested in me. So we went are separate ways.

        I met him again at the church I was attending. I asked him out (bold, yes I know). But still he wasn’t interested and married a woman he met at my church. I knew her, but I wasn’t jealous. I had and still do have the attitude that if it was meant to be it will happen.

        Now flash forward 12 years or so, I’m looking to find a friend of mine. She married my husband’s brother. So I found his number in the phone book and gave him a call. I said, “How are ya’ll doing?” After all he’s married and has two little girls. He says, “I’m not a ya’ll any more.” So we talk and talk. Then later a week or so I call him and ask him out. I take him to my single’s club dance. He says he had a great time. Then I don’t see him again for a month. I figured he wasn’t interested and cool with that.

        Woo hoo! He calls me and asks me out. And the rest is history…. He always says he had to go off and get trained before he could marry me. Hope you’re not sorry you asked. Tee hee!

        • Josie Matthews says:

          Mary, Thats such a great story!!! And you are such a confident woman. See what good things happen for those who wait? You’re the BEST!

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