Let me set the scene for you. You’re curled up in your favorite armchair. A cup of hot chocolate at your side and a super hawt read in your hands. After pages and pages of sexual tension the hero and heroine are finally getting busy. They do some naughty stuff, then he leans forward and whispers “something” dirty in her ear…
End of chapter.
MOST FRUSTRATING MOVE EVER
This is pretty much when I throw a good book at the wall and spend the rest of the day in a huff. Don’t tell me he says something dirty. Say the something dirty!
I want to know what it is, so I can feel the heroine’s reaction. To me, this is just as important as anything else he says to her. I want to know how he plays in bed. 😉
I’m not alone, am I?
Good. So let’s band together, people, and delve into the world of dirty talk. Which, surprisingly, has a horrible definition in my Oxford Dictionary. Surely, there must be more to it than just obscene words, right?
Little known fact about me: I do not use swear words. Yep. Like, at all. Not around my kids (Yikes!). Not even with my husband. I’d say “shoot” instead of that other word. And don’t even get me to try to say the “f” word. It’s pretty terrible, actually. I’m the one on Google, “researching” swear words and browsing through “swearing for learners of English” sites. Not to mention all of the “guy flicks” I watch, notepad in hand!
Dirty talk has become this elusive thing that we’re all supposed to just know what was said. Nod our heads and go. “Yep, got it. Will use that one tonight.”
Realistically? Most of our first attempts *might* result in us falling off the bed laughing… (or was that just me? Sorry hubby!)
To confuse us even further, songs like this somehow give off the impression that you can use dirty words in a language you don’t even speak. Huh?
But fear not. Not all dirty talk requires obscene words, if that’s not your thing. *cue Chick Swagger theme music* The Chicks are to the rescue with CLASSY and SASSY dirty talk phrases!
PART ONE: WHAT YOU SAY
Let’s face it. Some of us are more comfortable being vocal in bed than others, but those small vocalizations are likely a huge turn on for your partner. Men (and women!) need something to gauge by. Remember, the human body really is just like a huge TV remote and s/he’s gotta figure out which buttons you like pressed. Let him/her know with your voice, your movements, your encouragement.
The easiest dirty talk to begin with is short and simple. Just think about his/her reaction to words/phrases like:
- Yes. Oh, yes
- Speaking each other’s names/pet names
When venturing into the land of phrases, brevity is the key. Here’s what my “research” uncovered:
Commands: If s/he likes to be told what to do
- Get on your hands and knees
- Spread yourself for me
- Put your ____ on my _____
- Come here and lick/kiss/bite my ____
- You’re mine (tonight)
- I’m going to suck/work you hard
- Make me come
- I’m going to make you come so hard
- Look me in the eyes
- Grab/lick/kiss my ___
- Use/rub your ____ on me
- Eyes on me/look at me
- Make love to me
- Touch/rub/grip me like this
Requests: Begging, anyone?
- Don’t stop
- I want to taste you
- I want/need you inside of me
- I want you so bad
Reactions: Tell him/her just how great they make you feel
- Baby, I’m so wet
- You make me so wet/hard
- You feel so good/big/huge
- I love your _____
- You’re so ____. It feels amazing
- Can you feel how hard/wet I am?
- I love it when you ____ my ____
During my “research” (man, I love this job!) I came across this handy-dandy dictionary. Enjoy!
- Keep your voice low and sultry/husky.
- Think: Whisper. Murmur. Purr.
- Speak slowly and confidently.
- Don’t rush it, savor it.
- Gaze deep into his/her eyes. A dirty phrase with a hungry look can be such a turn on!
- Location: Right next to his/her ear, perhaps a little nipping/nibbling going on.
- Use your warm breath to send shivers across their skin.
For even more fun, I quizzed the Chicks on their best dirty talk. To check out what their heroes and heroines have to say, let’s play:
PIN THE DIRTY PHRASE ON THE NAUGHTY CHICK
- “How about you get those panties of yours out of a knot so I can slide them off you?”
- ““Undress for me. Slowly. Yes, just like that.”
- “I really love your ass in these things, but I think it’s time they come off.”
- “Look at me, Sarah. See how f*cking hard you’ve made me.”
- “I know what I want. You. Inside me. Now.”
- “I want you out of those clothes and on that bed now, cause there are places under those layers that need my attention, places I’ve only fantasized about that make me hard every time I’m near you and it’s time for us to take care of that.”
Don’t forget to place your best guesses in our comments, and *maybe* we’ll reveal the answers! 😉
Are you a dirty talk seasoned pro, or a shy newbie? What’s the best (or worst!) dirty phrase someone has said to you?